Girl (pt 1)

Girl doesn't start seeing the ghost again until after everything else had fallen apart, not until after she gets out of the institution and has no friends, no boyfriend, no side boyfriend, nobody. Hadn't seen the ghost since she was twelve, thought she'd already worked through all that in therapy, so you can see how Girl would be shook up. Didn't see the ghost once while she was still attending college, not while she was partying hard, drinking like a fish, and barely passing her classes. Not while she was in Rome, either, all those months eating gnocchi and raviolis and screwing the Italian, still barely scraping by in her classes, except in painting. She was decent at that. Girl could even be an artist if she wanted to be. Tell her that, though, and she'll roll her eyes at you and say, "Oh, god, you're gonna make me hurl. I can't draw for shit." True, Girl didn't really have the technical skills, like with perspective or depth perception or whatever, but still, there was something to her childlike style and use of color that made even the most traditional of art professors stop and tilt their heads. Didn't always get A's on her projects, but didn't get F's either.
She'll laugh at you if you tell her she's any good, though, so there's no point saying anything. Girl hasn't a drop of self-esteem which might be why she is such a frustrating person to try to love or even know and it just might be the most important element of this strange story. If you ask me, it's why the ghost showed up again.
Well, hold on. It wasn't that the ghost wasn't there. It was hanging out, alright, watching her spin in all those aimless circles, floating through stupid romantic flings. Probably sticking its finger down its throat while Girl and the Italian gushed over each other: "I miss you so much, baby." "I miss you before you're even gone!"
Look, I'm not being a jerk and I'm not saying it because I'm jealous, either-- I know that's what you're thinking. They really were stupid. Just distractions, something she did 'cause she was bored and she was only bored because she was too scared to be anything else. I think she thought maybe she'd find out she had nothing to become. But all that is bullshit because Girl was already something. She was something else.
Let's back up: maybe I should explain how I know Girl, how I ended up being the one telling you all this. Well the ghost can't tell you and Girl isn't going to tell you, I mean -- maybe in her own sweet time she will but I wouldn't count on it. She isn't even talking to me these days; doesn't know I'm doing this, either, writing her story. She'd be pretty pissed, too, even though I guess I'm sort of doing it for her. You know, to say I'm sorry. To say I understand. At least I'm trying.
I met Girl in college, during our freshman year at some house party. I felt like such a dick because I was wearing this dumb Christmas sweater to be ironic and I looked like a real asshole. Girl was beautiful, though. Noticed her right away, standing across the room like in some movie, wearing this tight purple dress so of course the first thing I notice is her ass, but then I look up and it's her eyes that make me feel like I got punched in the stomach. I know that sounds corny, but listen. She's got these really big, wide eyes, eyes that know about stuff. Eyes that look a little sad even when she's laughing. You know, if I believed all that past life stuff she always goes on about, I'd say her eyes are really old, like they've seen everything she's seeing a thousand times before. I'm just talking now, but the point is I knew I had to meet to her.
Now, there would be plenty of times after this night, after I knew Girl better, that I'd see her not so put together. I really saw her lose her shit sometimes. Honestly, more often than not. But on this night Girl was too cool. From a distance, I guess, Girl always looked pretty amazing. Best looking girl in the room that night, looked like she could do anything and seemed like she knew it, too. It's only when you get close to her, really get up in her space, that you can see the cracks in the exterior. Maybe everybody is kind of like that, though.
"Hi," I say, standing awkwardly too close to her after downing a couple more beers. She is standing by Monica, the girl with the lip ring who I had drunkenly made out with the weekend before and will later find out is Girl's roommate. Monica is nice enough but a little weird and I don't want to kiss her again. Little do I know that Girl will turn out to be infinitely weirder than Monica ever was. I don't mean that in an entirely bad way, just for the record.
"Hi?" she asks, definitely with a question mark, just like that. I wonder if Monica told her what a dickhead I am or that I'm a bad kisser; a girl once referred to me as "aggressive tongue guy". I try to make small talk but I can tell she isn't really into it by the way she keeps looking sideways and scratching her cheek. I tell her about how I went to South America over the summer because I think this might impress her but in the middle of it she gets this impatient look on her face and interrupts me.
"What sign are you?"
"Umm.. what?"
"You know, like astrology. What sign are you?"
"Oh, well. I was born in December, so.."
"What date?"
"December 14th."
"Sagittarius." She raises her eyebrows. "Sorry, we'll never work out. I'm a Capricorn. Our signs are too close together; we'll clash. Trust me, you're going to hate me."
She laughs, so I laugh too. She must be kidding. She isn't, though. Girl is all about that weird kind of shit-- astrology, chakras, multidimensional reality, superstitions, time travel, ghosts. It would take me a long time to consider any of it. I've always been a see it to believe it kind of guy. Never believed in God; figured you live, you die, you get buried in the ground. But since I've known Girl, things haven't been that simple or clear. You know, she really screwed things up for me.
"Are you for real? After talking to me for five minutes you're going to shut me down because my birthday is a couple weeks before yours?"
She pauses for a minute, considering.
"And 'cause your breath smells like beer."