Blur of the Mountain

There she was, in the snow, standing in front me. She glanced towards me for two seconds and turned away in disgust. My vision was disoriented, but I regained feeling in my thighs. Struggling, I look up towards her again, away from my aching body. She stood there with no will to help me.

Blood was rushing through my arms. Pain extended all its potential and pulsed through my pale body. I could feel, but I wished to return to sleep and then dream until my mind vanished.

Death was staring at me with a beautiful face. The woman teases me by walking towards me slowly, but I still cannot move. My body did not exist, only her and the cold snow. I wanted to grasp her but couldn’t move.

Nearby mountains began to shake and snow was falling fast. I look up to see the ice that was piercing my eyes. I close them and begin to talk in my head- thoughts of where and when I was, who I was, and who she was.

Did she exist? Is she me or am I her.

Now the blood was hitting my skin trying to push out of its veins. My voice was crying without noise only asking to vanish into myself. My body was disconnecting itself with me.

-Where was I going? Where was he going? Who am I?

Once blurry landscape became sharpened to my eye. I could see a mountain, but even blurred, one cannot mistake a mountain for a plain or valley. No, a mountain stands tall and is irrefutable. I desired the mountain, for my body to leave and my soul to go. Or would my soul leave without my body and I stay here to rot. The mountain existed more that she did. Who was she?

She left.

I was alive, my hands were mine. No longer could the ice block my thawing mind. I yelled for the first time- audibly. Loud enough for any person to know there is trouble. I was gone; no one was here to help except her but she is gone now. I hate her. Maybe I’m just jealous of her. Who was she?

I am standing in the snow where she stood. It was impossible, for I felt my body left behind while I peered intently towards the mountains. The mountains created a sense of assuredness and safety. I am confused and lost in this ice filled landscape.

Suddenly, I remember my name. The familiar sound repeated in my head, but I am dead. Maybe only in the eyes of people looking for me I was dead. Maybe… they had a funeral for me and they talked about me on a podium. They will see her too. They might’ve shared stories about how I was once great, until one day I went to sleep and woke up with a miserable life and a hatred for myself. Why was I in the snow?

I hoped that people were looking for me. I think all adventurers and explorers entertain the thought that if they found themselves lost, people would care enough to send the dogs out and helicopters. A helicopter will find me and I will live. But for now I was dead.

She is gone now. I miss her. I am her and I am he.

All I can see now is a mountain. It is blurry but I walk towards it obviously knowing where I may be going. The mountain speaks loudly and shakes. “You can rest now”.

I am her. She is gone. The mountain is blurry