Ode to a Sleeve of Fig Newtons

By hudsonmoon

Fri, 22 Mar 2013
  • 807 reads
5 comments
 

Oh! Chewy cookie!
Made from the fruit of the fig!
I devour your wholesome goodness!
Till I’m stuffed like a farm-fed pig!

I wipe your tender morsels
From my breast as I go!
And dwell on your cardboard container
To find that you are now made in Mexico!

The train on which I ride
Puts me in mellow slumber!
Then my colon acts up
Like a Havana rumba!

Oh lavatory! Lavatory!
I beseech thee so!
On which car do you dwell?
I dost really have to go!

Conductor! Conductor!
This isn’t my day!
I’ll tighten my buttocks
Please show me the way!

Oh! Where is he now!
Don’t know which way to go!
Now I’ve shited my pants
Oh, Newtons, why do I love thee so!

Certificate U
Poem
Humour

Comments

Submitted by alex_tomlin on
I like this even though I have no idea who or what a Fig Newton is. Is it like a fig roll? If so, I'll pass on them, thanks. Especially if the end result is what happens here...

Submitted by hudsonmoon on
lol. I know it's a bit silly, but it's a slow day at work and I had to do something, Alex. Good week-end to you. Rich

 

Submitted by hudsonmoon on
And, yes Alex, in the UK it's called a fig roll. Rich

 

Submitted by Denzella on
Well, I'll make sure I steer well clear of them then. Still, liked the poem just the same. Moya
 

Submitted by hudsonmoon on
No pun intended, Moya. But I don't know what got into me when I wrote. I usually shy away from toilet joles. lol. Thanks, Moya. Ric