A Window Cleaner and an Exotic Dancer! (I.P.)

The Window Cleaner and the Exotic Dancer! (I.P.)

It was Jason’s first day in his new job as a window cleaner. He had been really pleased when he was told he had got the job. The only fly on the horizon was that he was terrified of heights, not something one should let on about when applying to become a window cleaner but as there was so much unemployment, he couldn’t afford to turn it down so he kept quiet about his fear.

He desperately wanted to work at ground level but this window cleaning job was all he could get and he took it because he kept thinking about the dole queue and his Mum who was struggling to make ends meet. She needed him to work and bring home some money as she had recently lost her job so he was now the main breadwinner.

“Now make sure you do a good job,” said Bill, his new boss “I don’t want any complaints.”

Jason nodded and set off on his round with his bucket and scrim and all the other paraphernalia given to him by Bill. His round did not cover streets with semi detached houses that would have been much easier for him to work his way through. He realised it must be less time consuming to go from one house to the next. However, Jason’s round consisted of all large detached houses spread all over the surrounding countryside. Eventually, when he got to his first house on the list Bill had provided him with, he was dismayed to find it was a very large house spread over three floors.

He stood looking up at the house and wondered how he was ever going to conquer his fear and get right up to clean the topmost windows on the third floor. He thought it best not to dwell so started by cleaning the downstairs windows and then summoned all his courage to do the windows on the first floor. Taking a deep breath he started slowly to climb up but very nearly wet himself as he unintentionally looked down. Then he started to clean the first window but had to stretch over to get to the furthest corner all the while being absolutely petrified. By the time he was ready to set about cleaning the second of the first floor windows he had devised a plan of action. Once he was more than a couple of feet off the ground he would close his eyes and only open them when he thought he was level with the window then he would close them again as he cleaned the window with his eyes tight shut.

Somehow, he got through cleaning this second window by keeping his eyes shut and hoping for the best. When he eventually opened his eyes he was quite pleasantly surprised to find the window did look clean despite his rather unorthodox method.

His progress was slow and got even slower when he had to tackle the top floor but by sheer grit and determination he got the job done. Once finished he knocked on the door and rung the bell so that he could get paid but no one answered. He didn’t know quite what to do as Bill had never mentioned that some of his customers might not be in. He searched in his little hold-all to see if he could find a scrap of paper and a pen which fortunately he did so he scribbled a note to the effect that he had cleaned the windows and the bill was twelve pounds which he would collect on his next visit. He looked in the little red book that Bill had given him to see when his next visit would be and saw that it was six weeks. He wondered how Bill would take not getting paid for six weeks but he didn’t know what else to do.

Jason was relieved to see that all the other jobs on his list for that day were either bungalows or houses with just one upper floor unlike this house with its three floors so perhaps it was for the best that he had started with the most difficult first. At the end of the day he reported back to Bill who was very unhappy about not being paid for what was the largest most time consuming job that Jason had that day.

“What on earth were you thinking of?” said Bill “Never, ever clean any windows until you have made sure that the people are there to pay you and that they have seen you clean their windows.“

“Why do some people say you haven’t done them when you have?” said Jason.

“Listen son, if they can get out of paying you they will that’s why you need them to see you do the job. You’ve got to keep your wits about you and your eyes open to get on in this job.”

Jason smiled inwardly as he thought to himself yes, you might need to keep your wits about you but you don’t have to keep your eyes open. Hadn’t he just managed to do the job with his eyes shut most of the time? Anyway, somehow or other, over the next two weeks Jason managed to blag his way by getting the job done but never letting on about his fear of heights and still keeping his eyes tight shut once he was more than a couple of feet off the ground. Then one day Bill seemed in a bit of a bad mood and started picking on Jason saying,

“You’re taking far too long to do the houses on your round I don’t know what you find to do that takes you so long. You need to get a shift on otherwise I will have to rethink our arrangement.”

“Oh, Bill, no, I will speed up it’s just that a lot of my time is spent either travelling between houses or trying to find the new ones that you have recently added to my list.”

“Yes, yes, I know all about that and what about The Firs they still haven’t paid you for when you cleaned their windows on your first day.”

“I know and I do keep going there when I’m in the area but they are never in.”

“Well, you are going to have to do better than that. I want my money.”

“Okay,” said Jason, “I’ll try again tomorrow.”

“You do that,” said Bill,angrily, as he marched away.

So, the next day Jason made a point of visiting The Firs in the hope that someone would be in and he would get paid. As on his previous visits he knocked loudly on the front door and then he rung the bell pressing it till his finger went white. Still no one came but he could hear some kind of strange music so thought that someone must be in. He wondered if they were deliberately trying to avoid him.

The music seemed to be coming from one of the top floor rooms and he thought, typical! Why couldn’t it have been coming from a ground floor room but as this was his best chance of getting his, or rather, Bill’s money he knew what he had to do. He had to push his fear of heights to the back of his mind and get up there to look in the window.

When he eventually climbed the ladder and looked in his heart skipped a beat and he couldn’t believe his eyes. There was a pretty young girl dressed in some sort of oriental garb made up of silky looking pantaloons and a filmy pink top and veil. The sort that belly dancers wear and she was playing a sort of whistle thing and dancing with her eyes closed and then he saw it…coming out of a round basket a big slithery thing with a forked tongue. He gasped as he saw it was an enormous snake. He banged on the window and the girl opened her eyes and screamed as she saw the snake then she looked across at the window and saw Jason.

“Quick open the window”

The girl needed no second bidding as she crossed the wooden floor in her bare feet.

“Who are you?”

“What are you doing?”

“I asked first.”

“Okay, I’ve come for my money for when I cleaned the windows. Now you.”

“I’ve got a part in a film but I have to dance and play this thing to get the snake to perform.”

“What, like a snake charmer?”

“Yes, that’s it exactly.”

“Why do you do it with your eyes shut?”

“Because I’m scared stiff of snakes”

“Well then, we’re a good match because I’m scared stiff of going past the second rung on my ladder so I shut my eyes too.

“Well don’t we just make a fine pair!” she said laughing “Me scared of Snakes and you scared of Ladders!”

“Yes, we seem made for each other!” said Jason happy now to keep his eyes open even though he was at the top of his ladder.

End