Corned Beef City

By jolono

Sun, 04 Aug 2013
  • 5948 reads
15 comments
 

Council houses, small not pretty
Looking like tins
It’s corned beef city.

Two up, two down, with yard that’s shitty
Outside bog
In corned beef city.

Life is hard, it’s mean and gritty
Need a dog
In corned beef city.

No handouts here, no room for pity
Watch your back
In corned beef city.

Want to move? Go see committee
No chance, your stuck
In corned beef city

Certificate PG
Poem
Poems of Life and Love
Other Fiction

Comments

Submitted by VeraClark on
My favourite meaty word has a new purpose. Tells it like it is with such charm.

 

Submitted by jolono on
Thanks Vera. If you knew the place "Charm" may not be the best word for it...

 

Submitted by jolono on
Cheers Alexuque, far from it, it is a HUGE compliment. You are also quite right. It does come from experience and life in general. My writing has got "grittier" the older I've got...

 

Submitted by VeraClark on
Heard of it but haven't had the pleasure. Badly put on my tired part. Beyond the grit, there's a tight reserve on the word depth. You hold back on 'the pits' of it. With the rhyme, it makes it most palatable.

 

Submitted by catherine poarch on
I like corned beef. I want a council house. It's all good! Seriously, though, it's really well paced, length, rhyme great etc. And straight to the point. Catherine

 

Submitted by celticman on
sounds a bit like one of my rants. Must be catching.

 

Submitted by jolono on
Thank you Catherine.

 

Submitted by jolono on
Could never compete with one of your rants CM. They're in a different league altogether... Bit like Rangers and Celtic!

 

Submitted by RJF on
I think I may have lived there as a student! Really enjoyed this jolono. R

 

Submitted by jolono on
Thanks R. I think I know exactly where you stayed...

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on
I like your terse, tight style in verse. It can be very eloquent, and readable, memorable. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Denzella on
Always rely on you Joe, to give a good read. Not let me down so far. Moya
 

Submitted by jolono on
Cheers Moya.

 

Submitted by Bee on

You've really got the tone of the subject. I thought the repetition in each end line / rhyme was catchy and worked really well. It sort of reminded me of a skipping rhyme, and I could imagine kids voices outside, chanting the words.

Bee

Submitted by jolono on

Thanks Bee, its about Dagenham. It was called Corned beef city because as it was being built pilots flyin g ov erhead would say it looked like tins of corned beef! It was the biggest council estate in europe at one time!