The Winchburgh Chronicles.

The full moon, cast a silvery gleam over the wet tar on the road as Ben turned onto the Queens Crescent rank. An eerie, primordial, verdant glimmer was emanating from something lying on the wet ground. Ben stopped his taxi and stepped into the warm moist air." Whit's that lyin there" The brilliance seemed to pulse, slowly but rhythmically,as if, whatever it was, had a heart beat. He cautiously approached the object, it didn't move. Ben prodded the thing with his toe, then, with the side of his boot, he flicked it, it rolled over silently, and a finger shaped appendage flopped slowly out from the centre of the entity, followed by the other four fingers and then extremely slothful, the thumb. 

 

Ben looked closer, examining the strange article. It was a woollen, right hand glove. He returned to his taxi and opened the boot, inside was a grey plastic box. Opening the box, he removed a pair of pliers. He used the pliers to lift the glove and place it in a freezer bag, after sealing the bag he returned to his car and put it in the grey box. 

He picked up his mobile phone and dialled his partner. " Say I, is that you ya prick?" 

 

" Aye it is ya bawbag, whit yie wantin at this time ae night? It's quarter past eleven."  

 

" A've fund a glove, no jist an ordinary glove say I, it's goat five fingers and a thumb and it wiz lyin oan the rank, and guess whit?" 

 

" A'm no guessin, jist tell me." 

 

"There was a green radiance cummin aff it, say I. It wiz glowin like that stuff that can kill Superman, Whit's it called again? Aye Kryptonite. That means Greengrass has moved some eggs fae the mating pool in Winchburgh. Whit is it they say? We huv a windae ae opporchancity say I."

 

" Haud oan, urr you gone aff yir heid? Kryptonite? a green radiance yie say? Ben, we urnae wantin tae kill oanybody, in fact we're tryin tae dae the opposite. " 

 

" Aye A know, but A'm cummin oot wie the motorbike the morra, tae pick yie up. be ready fur me. Catch yie soon."

 

The ancient West Lothian villages of Polbeth, Bathgate and Winchburgh had been isolated for generations and the population had been interbreeding. This had resulted in mutations, some in appearance, were slight; people were born with extra fingers. Others were more serious, some of the women, in recent years,were not giving live birth, they had begun to lay eggs, from which hatched, green and yellow lizards. Another problem was, that some of the men and indeed woman, while outwardly maintaining a human appearance, metamorphosed into lizards before mating.The mating process of this new species required three participants. Physical contact between male and female was required to induce ovulation in the female, six months later the mature eggs were laid in the mating pool for further fertilisation by the alpha male. The progeny of these mutants, most always, had six digits on each hand. 

 

They eventually returned to human form after mating. The couples would be drawn to the mating pool to lay their eggs. The eggs were protected in a bubble nest made by the alpha male and kept warm by the slime, which emanated a rich green glow when wet. It was this substance on the glove, that had attracted Ben's attention. The lizard communes of Polbeth and Bathgate were much older than Winchburgh. Ben and his sidekick Paul, were trying to improve the gene pool in their own commune's, by introducing eggs from Winchburgh. With the Winchburgh commune being younger, the introduction of younger genes, they hoped, would begin to reverse the process of metamorphosis. The problem was, the Winchburgh commune was refusing to help. This attitude had caused Ben and Paul to act in their own interests, in order to preserve the species. 

 

Greengrass, the Elder, was the alpha male and keeper at Winchburgh. This was why his glove was covered in the slime. He had to remove the eggs to a safe and warm environment after fertilisation in the pool. It was the duty of the alpha male and his wife to nurture the clutch for three months till hatching, before the human babies were distributed among the commune.

 

The motorbike and sidecar sped through the heavy rain along the wet, Faucheldean road, Ben, slammed the back brakes on hard, forcing the bike to spin into the field on the right. The side-car lifted as the machine slewed, coming to a slithering stop in the long grass.

 

" Fuck sake Ben, steady man, yie nearly hud us cowped there." 

 

Ben removed his goggles from his eyes and lifted his German army helmet off his bald head,before shouting, 

 

" Shut-up and listen!" 

 

Paul, in the sidecar bewildered, asked, 

 

" tae whit?" 

 

",dae yie no hear that?" 

 

Both men stopped breathing to listen. A strange, owl like call could be heard away in the distance....

 

" Woo Hoo! "

 

" Say I, Stupit! Did yie fuckin hear that? Ya twat. Stert breathin again. Yir fuckin face is gone blue. " 

 

" Aye, A did hear it, ya belter, it's comin fae up oan the hill there, jist beside the canal." 

 

" Oink! Trill! Whoo hoo! "

 

Both men jumped, when they heard the answering mating call. It was very near, and was coming from the long grass right in front of them. They couldn't see a thing in the darkness. The grass rustled and something long, green and crocodile like slithered very slowly and deliberately into the longer grass in front of them. The large lizard, nearly six foot long caught in the main beam of the bike now, began wriggling and pushing very quickly with its six toed feet, and soon disappeared out of sight. 

 

" Say I, did yie see that fucker go, man? Goad they're quick." 

 

Ben gunned the engine and the bike shot after the lizard. Paul, in the sidecar was nearly thrown out, as Ben recklessly chased over the grass tufts after the evading reptile. 

Suddenly,out of the mist and rearing up in front of them, was a large Hawthorn hedge, six feet tall and five feet thick. The thorny hedge had been expertly worked and bent into shape, to act as a barrier, preventing anyone from getting through into the next field.

 

" Say I, we're buggered noo, we'll never git through this bastard. We'll huvtae go back tae the main road and try fae somewhere else, tae git intae the mating pool." 

 

They both looked above the hedge. A green glowing mist flowed and pulsed in the air above the hedge. A loud splash and, WHOO HOO! Was heard from the other side of the obstruction, tauntingly close to the two lizard hunters.

 

" Say I, the bastards know we're here and are takin the pish, let's go and git the fuckers." 

 

The bike turned back towards the road, Ben, careful not to hit any tufts, eased the machine out of the field.

At the tarmac, he gave the Zundapp ks750 its head, and they sped off towards Winchburgh. The rain, making the road slippery, but Ben handled the bike expertly over the narrow bridge on Niddry road, as they flew up towards the aptly named, Tally-Ho Public house. 

 

Ben parked the bike in the pub car park. " Whit we daein here ya walloper?" 

 

" A'm needing tabacca, A've run oot. Say I, A'll nip in here and git some. Yie cummin in?" 

 

" Aye, okay well." As they walked into the bar, all conversation ceased. The five large patrons stared at the newcomers as they entered. 

 

" Yiz huv went awffie quiet fae we came in, say I, huv yiz no? Huv youz bastard’s goat sumthin tae hide?  

 

Ben quickly grabbed the hand of the nearest drinker; he began to turn the bigger man's thick wrist against his will. The stronger and younger looking man, was beginning to sweat and his face began to turn red, as Ben, smiling and winking, held his hand in a vice like grip.

 

" Say I, Yir no very strong furra big ugly reptilian bastard. A expected a wee bit mair strength fae yie, especially wie that horn hingin oot yir heel, fae the mating ball on yir feet, and again, wie that extra finger yi've goat there." 

 

Ben had turned the guy's wrist round, not only revealing the extra digit but a reptile's scale dropped to the floor, having been dislodged by the pressure exerted, when he had twisted the wrist. Paul bent and picked up the green scale, after examining it, he placed it in his jacket pocket. 

 

The barman looking at Ben, asked, "Yes sir, what can I get yie" 

 

"Say I, A hauf ounce ae golden vagina mate. As soon as yie like." 

 

As the barman handed over the tobacco, he held his hand up revealing, five fingers and a thumb on the same hand. 

 

" A widnae like tae race yie rolling fags ya bastard, yie wid beat me haunds doon. Especially licking the papers, Wie that tongue yie huv tucked away in yir gub there, Yie wid hae that done while rollin it, and withoot huvin tae lift yir haund tae yir mooth,"

 

Paul, while opening the pub door nodded to his partner, " Yie right Ben? Let's go." Both men walked outside and mounted the bike, Ben rolled a cigarette and after lighting it, he drew deeply on the tobacco.

 

" This whole toon is riddled wie thae lizards, It's an awffie place. These bastards huve been shaggin each other fur so many years noo, they don't know if they're humpin their uncle, or fuckin their auld auntie, And yie know whit? A dinnae hink the fuckers care." 

 

A tall, bespectacled and distinguished looking gentleman, wearing a bunnet and baggy trousers,sidled up to the two lizard hunters.  

 

"Hallo there gents, can I be of assistance tae yiz?" 

 

"Say I. assistance is it? Wie the nick ae yie Greengrass, it's yirsell that maybe needs the assistance." 

 

" Oh no, I have a present for you both." 

 

The strange man held out his hands. On each hand, as well as five fingers and a thumb, he held a curiously large and green speckled egg. " Happy Easter gentlemen." 

 

Ben taking the egg, smiled, and said in return." Say I. Happy Easter tae yirsell Greengrass. A take it we have an agreement for the future existence ae us aw? That's aw we wanted, that agreement and an egg each tae start the experiment. Is that right Paul? " 

 

"Oh, aye Ben, but A've goat a plectrum fur ma daughter Angela's Ukelele tae,” he said, holding up the green lizard scale. 

 

Greengrass smiled and said, 

 

" if yiz need oanymare eggs,just let us at Winchburgh know and we will try to accommodate yiz. Efter aw, it's aw fur the survival ae the species." 

 

They all shook hands, and after untangling the extra fingers, both hunters sped away on the motorbike. The strange bunnet heided gentleman waved, saying. 

 

" Tara,Tara."