Confused.com

'That boy has a bottle of something tucked up into his cuff. Him. The right smart-lookin' dude'.

It was absolutely heaving, being the wettest day l could remember for some time.

I'd dragged the umbrella stand from the out-of-the-way corner to the side door entrance so the blokes could dash in, grab a brolly and drop the payment on to the cash desk, soaked to the skin most of them. Bit too late for protection, really ..

The boy was dark and handsome. I wouldn't put him in a shoplifting line up. If there was such a thing it'd have the usual gaunt, putty coloured hue favoured by the sweaty, thin junkies. This boy was very different. Burberry jacket. Mulberry bag. Why on earth would he be swiping a twenty quid moisturizer?

'Eh, oh aye. A see 'um. Barrie, like. Cheeurz .. '

Dozy Derek sprang into life from his thoughts. Mary's jam rolly poly. A bet at 3pm when he'd finish work. Grub and the bookies were never far away from his mind. He'd already used up the allowance of grim-grey security shirts. The latest had his stick on pregnant belly look peeking through the very strained buttons.

Speaking just a bit too loudly into the mouthpiece, his radio crackling a response to 'apprehend if exiting', the wheezing, half deaf, beer-bottle wearing pensioner attempted a wobbly jog towards the boy.

Wee Jimmy came crashing down the spiral staircase, alerting everyone. The boy spotted me pretending to fold something, Derek's shuffling but determined gait, so he about turned soldier like, and made his way straight back down to cosmetics. As l watched him from top of menswear staircase, he picked up two testers and just like Paul Daniels, managed to remove the glass bottle from his sleeve and replace all three as if he'd decided he didn't like that brand. Cheek of it!

Looking like a football match in the shiny, brightly lit perfumery area of the store, the place had filled up with weather escapees, l watched as the boy made his way to the front doors to freedom.

Playing a cat and mouse game with ready to pounce guards, he ran his hands over a few bottles, picking up and spraying aftershave into the air, sniffing and smiling contentedly.

On reaching the swing doors, he turned round and blew me a kiss.

I knew he wouldn't be back again ..