Outsider

By amlee

Sun, 17 Nov 2013
  • 964 reads
4 comments
 
I sit amongst you
taut with pretend informality
soaking up the same cold air
watching the same dust float
as iced specks caught in the headlamp
of wintry sun through stained glass.
My buttocks ache a little
where they imprint pew wood
against indents others have created
as they ruminated in bygone years
shifted weight in wait of visitation 
or in silent heresy, rebellion upon 
single stackable seats, casting doubt 
and nursing indifference to pulpit ennui.
Poor fit, I can but do my best
to mould myself into your sameness
that is not mine to have.
 
I smile, masked in congeniality
hiding the real me shimmering within
extend my glacial hand to warmly grasp 
your rigid unfistedness, inwardly backing off
even as I draw you close with my eyes
shining somehow with yearning and 
invitation to connect across hesitant breath 
and halting Good Mornings.
 
Finally, I speak, as I'm bidden
and His light breaks forth 
into the darkness of hearts
hungry caverns void too long. 
Out of body, I watch myself 
hear my sounds that are not my own
I see how they fill and overflow
into a room transfigured, flood 
each nook and cranny, from crypt
to rafters with traces of Himself
golden atoms sparking till
life teems and hope dances.
In those moments we pulse as one
strangers no longer but blood kin
and I find I am home.
 
As I draw to a close 
that Light sublime dims, drains
until we finally fade, shrink back 
from an elevation of surreal shininess
to regain our drab, hermit crab shells of everyday.
I look into your eyes and you are again 
distant, polite, other
and I wonder - unchanged.
You huddle over coffee and
closed rank pre-lunch preamble 
your backs to me, but kindly now, I thought.
I make noises to take my leave
note your secret surveillance
and once I again I am where I was 
as I stepped in but an hour or two ago.
Outside.
 
 
 
Certificate U
Poem
Andrée's poems
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by a102866 on

I like how you meld together decorum-artificial patterns of linkage, and the inner longings-desire to be accepted as a mutual partner and as a distinct entity. An introspective poem that gave me pause for thought. I enjoyed it!

Submitted by amlee on

Thank you for reading Stephen!

: )

 

Andrée 

Submitted by Syphon on

Superb poem, I really like your style of writing,  thanks for sharing. 

Submitted by amlee on

Thank you Steve!

: )

Andrée