Buachaille Etive Mor (Glencoe)

By Wilandric

Mon, 18 Nov 2013
  • 1342 reads
6 comments
 
February 1983    

Thoughts on Eternity and the End of Time.

Infinite and yet so finite I stand. Grain by grain I shrink and fall, shuddering to dust, from whence I came, the dust brought forth from nothingness. The dust from which the out-poured waters of the sky formed my mighty, and yet, so frail frame. I look; all-seeing, master of all I survey? No! Just humbled by the knowledge of my birth and the certainty of all dust's death.

Below, scores of me, scattered o'er my feet; as much a partaker of me as I am a partaker of dust and sea and air. In the midst of the boulders, wiry grass struggles for a precarious existence, puny as only man can be.

Melodious, the eternal waters gently transport me away for, oh, so short a time. Coolly soothing my aged form, delighting in my youth, which this time, this spell, shall never again see born. Never again shall dust be raised, exalted through turbulent tribulation then, when the final hour is matched the first shall begin, all shall be purged; purer than the snow which feeds the omniscience of an ignorant stream as man feeds his pride.

The sun beats down in glorious majesty, a splendour forever outshone by the promise of time's end. Short to come. The clash of cymbals, triumph of time, time's end, when the curse of all creation shall finally fall. Then shall time truly begin, when all is finished, yet all's begun.

Graded A- by Ian Adamson "Very impressive. It's easy for this kind of mystical writing to get out of control, but you manage very well - and an excellent range of vocabulary!"

 

Certificate U
Non-fiction
Nature

Comments

Submitted by scratch on

I agree with Mr Anderson.  A few points if I may?

Be wary of semi-colons as punctuation marks no matter how insistent your auto-correct is.  But here you have  use a colon "Grain by grain I shrink and fall: shuddering to dust," that should be replaced with a semi-colon.  Better still would be to remove it altogether and use a comma.  This is fine "Grain by grain I shrink and fall, shuddering to dust, from etc etc". The problem (let's remember that it is a minor one) is exacerbated by the subsequent use of the hyphen.  The same weakness comes again a little later too. 

"Melodious, the eternal waters gently transport my being away for, oh, so short a time."  Delete 'my being' and replace with 'me' it is far less pretentious, 'my soul' would be just about acceptable as a substitute.

"turbulent tribulation Then, (then) when the final hour is matched..."

"purer than the snow which feeds the omniscience of an ignorant stream". I'm not too sure about the marriage of 'omniscience' and 'ignorant' they are mutually preclusive adjectives.  Having said that the penultimate paragraph is a joy to read.

I think that it might be worth re-working this as a poetry piece.  It is very good indeed.  I have climbed 'The Buckel' many times and you definitely capture the atmosphere and timelessness of a very special place.  Sort out the punctuation and the occasional use of odd syntax and this piece will be transformed from being merely 'good' to being excellent.

Welcome to ABCtales Fidel.

 

Submitted by Wilandric on

Thanks for the constructive criticism.

My English teacher had similar criticism of my tendency to over -punctuate, he was particularly critical of the use of brackets, something I seem to have got worse at! His point was, if you're going to say something, say it, don't hide...which is pertinent, although I can tend to have an algebraic/mathematical approach to language.

I used to think I was a detail person until I worked in the Civil Service, it's off the scale there!

I now realise that I'm actually quite good with the initial creative raw material and although I'm also probably quite good at editing other people, it's considerably trickier editing oneself!

And that brings us full circle to the need for a sympathetic, robust, but positive appraisal from others.

Far from the Romantic myth of heroic/suffering artists, Art is actually highly social, civilised, not primitively individualistic, don't we think?

Submitted by scratch on

Is it a rule of algebra to always work the brackets out first?  Lol.

 

 

Submitted by Wilandric on

*Grins* Yep!

Submitted by Wilandric on

Hi scratch, good to join the ABC experience in Nottingham last night and spurred me on to finally adjust this piece!

Submitted by Wilandric on

The writer formerly known as FidelEsperAgape shall henceforth be known as Wilandric.

This suits my Norse-Angli-Brythonic heritage, and yes, Angli NOT Anglo, I think there IS  a difference! ;-)