Winter (Edited)

By MAGAMED.MT

Fri, 07 Feb 2014
  • 2263 reads
8 comments
 

 

Winter, it offers a special kind of mirth

It is the embodiment of death and rebirth

Namely the rose which blossoms in the spring

Too many a prose which it seems to bring

Everlasting life it shan't feel

Rest assured, the entity will come with zeal.

Certificate U
Poem
Nature
Inspiration Point (work that responds to our weekly writing cue)

Comments

Submitted by Luke Neima on

HI there,

This is a lovely natural image - thanks for sharing it. I think it may be misclassified as 'Inspiration Point' - that category is for poems and stories that respond to the inspiration cue on this page:

http://www.abctales.com/inspiration-point-ip

Have a read and have a go!

Luke

Submitted by MAGAMED.MT on

    Its funny how I came to think of it. A few weeks ago, January 18th to be exact (my birthday) I was walking with an old friend in one of my favorite trails and it was biting cold out. She would point out how cold it was and through my jittering teeth I would say this. We both got a much needed laugh out of it. As for the category trouble, I totally agree with you. Thank you plenty!

 

Submitted by Bee on

Lovely words.

Bee

Submitted by MAGAMED.MT on

Thank you so much for the reply Bee. Two words never made me feel more satisfied, honest. I've been writing random things in my composition book, I've accumulated quite a number of entries, and would'nt show them to a soul. I would be frugal with what I chose for my mother to read even. When I stumbled upon this site it was purely chance, so I read some poems and stories and it felt like it was almost godsend. What I have been keeping chaste for so long can finally be let free. I feel like an overprotective parent and I'm not even twenty yet, for christ sake. What im trying to say is, Bee,  you've made me feel like I made the right decision.

With gratitude, MT.

Submitted by Bee on

It is the embodiment of Death and Rebirth;

like how a beautiful rose blossoms in the spring

only to wither away and die from the touch

of the purifying entity christened as "Winter".

 

Hi MT. In my mind, this is how I see your poem. And they are lovely words, but somehow, I would have liked it to go on a little because as it stands, it feels to me that something is missing. Reading again, at the beginning, I want to ask - (what) is the embodiment of death and rebirth? Here I assume it it as the title suggests - 'winter'. But then what follows doesn't completely make sense to me just yet - like - (winter) is the embodiment of death and rebirth; like a rose dies from the touch of winter, which may be true but could I suggest that you could start your poem by maybe saying that the cycle of the seasons = death and rebirth? Then all that follows might be clearer.

This is just my opinion and I might have missed the point completely, but I hope what I've said helps. I'm so glad you found this writing site. It's great to share your work and that of others. I started writing poems / songs as a child and it can be quite lonely when there's no one to share your interest. I feel I have learnt such a lot from reading other people's work and from the occasional helpful hints and advice, a process the is never ending. 

I look forward or reading more of your inspired writing.

 

Bee

Submitted by MAGAMED.MT on

Hi Bee. Your feedback is just what I needed. Truth be told however, at first I didn’t look at it as a poem, simply an assertion. I must thank you for not leaving it at just “Lovely words” because it had the potential to be much more, and your second comment helped me realize that. I thought I would pull out my poetic guns and do what I can to shine the spot light on winter itself, because after all it is my favorite season. What I was aiming for was to elucidate my perspective on how the arrival of the winter season ceases plant life for roses and the like, and only with its dismissal can life flourish once more, a harbinger of life and death if you will. Your question of “(what) is the embodiment of death and rebirth” is what persuaded me into writing an acrostic style poem.

MT

Submitted by Bee on

Hi MT.

I like your acrostic poem. 5th line - 'shant'? 

Keep writing.

Bee

Submitted by MAGAMED.MT on

I see I missed the apostraphe. I meant (shan't), contraction for shall not. thx for pointing it out.