People You May Know...

I'm a writer.
I write.

I write books.
It's actually my job.
I've written lots of them
and sold lots of them.

Because I'm a writer.

Actually, I think I prefer
to call myself an 'author'.
I think that sounds better,
to be totally honest.

H Meredith Williams,
Author.

It's sounds more important
somehow - like calling myself
a surgeon instead of a mere
doctor.

A writer is just a writer.
Anyone can write, or
prescribe Valium.
Author, though... yes...

And I am important,
really.  People must
have books to read, and
someone has to write them,
the same as someone has
to perform open-heart surgery
or find a cure for cancer.

Do you like my profile photo?
This is the one that's going
on the jacket of my latest
book.  I had my hair tinted
specially, and the glasses
are the perfect touch.
I look almost like a surgeon
with them on.  Clever. 

It's an excellent metaphor, really -
I wield my pen like a scalpel.
I cut through the flesh of
human emotions.  I perform
miracles with the life-blood of
words.  I slice out the fat.  I
stitch it all together again
at the end.

Being an author is extremely
hard work - non-authors have
got no idea what's involved.
For instance, I've written
2,139 words already today,
and been to the deli for
fresh java to keep my
creative juices flowing.

I'm having poached salmon
with quinoa for my lunch,
then I'll read a little
to feed my imagination.
Then it's back to the grindstone
(gosh, what a terrible cliché -
what would Arturio, my
New York editor - he's sooo cute! -
say about that?)  because
I really need to do at least
3,000 if I'm to meet
my contracted deadline
for Reconsidering Ralph,
my latest romance.

I'm not just a romance
author.  I can handle any
genre, pretty much.   Just
name it.  That's why my
fans love me, and why they
buy so many of my books, and
follow my Twitter feeds and 'like'
me all the time on Facebook.
For example, my last novel,
Bloods, was about vampires
in Los Angeles gang culture
(Tamara, my agent, thought
the play on 'bloods' complete
genius, and it sold faaabulously
well, too).  Tamara's sooooo
totally awesome.  She Tweets
me my sales figures every
morning, when I'm having
my breakfast.

My next one is a fantasy novel.
I've already got some chapters
written of that.  I don't do them
in order - just as the scenes come
to me, while I'm meditating or
at the sauna, or shopping, or
staring out of the window across
the rooftops - and then I find a way
to weave them all together
later, working my 'authorial'
magic, as Tamara says.

In the last chapter I wrote of that,
the Archlords of Midraff had already
gathered their legions of Meltoth
warriors on the Sabilane Plains
west of Arnak-Skae, in preparation
for battle with the Enkiloi invaders
from the Nether-Tarms of Anklizar.
It will be sooo exciting, I can feel it.
I don't know who will win yet,
but that's what I love about
writing (authoring} - the mystery
of the creative process...

I never use my full name,
just my first initial, then my
middle and surnames.

H Meredith Williams.

It's sounds better, don't
you think?  My first name's
Hannah, but only Tamara
calls me that.  Most of my fans
at my signings and readings
call me 'H' - though some
pronounce it 'Haitch', which
sooo irritates me and I have to
correct them. 

My so-called writer 'friend'
Sammie called me vain.

Vain!

And she posted a link to her
own novel on my author page
one day! Can you believe it?
I had to delete her. 

I think she was just jealous
because Bloods sold so well,
and was at the top of the Amazon
list for ten weeks, whereas
her ghastly thing only ever
reached 372,918th place
for one day - and is only
an e-book, anyway, and
she's never written another
thing since.

She's such a talentless cunt,
really.

Me?  I'm never out of words.

I'm a real author.

I'm only 23.