What Alice Sees: Chapter 2
By lisa h
- 1446 reads
When Alice woke up, Jessie was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching.
“Why are you in my room?” Jessie asked.
Alice yawned, saw Bubbles on the floor, and grabbed him. She stuck a thumb in her mouth and stared back.
“I asked why you’re in my room,” Jessie said, and tapped her big toe against Alice’s arm. Alice shuffled to the side away from the foot and sucked on her thumb. “Was there a fire at your house, is that why you’re here?”
Alice looked away, to the window, and shook her head.
“A robber. Did a robber sneak into your house and threaten you with a stick?” Jessie leaned closer.
Alice whipped around, Bubbles clasped between her arms. She blinked at the tears, and shook her head firmly, her long black hair swaying side to side. She let it fall like curtains in front of her eyes, so Jessie faded. In the half-light, the man appeared, waving his hands by Jessie’s nose, taking her breath.
“What did he steal? Did he take your telly, your Playstation?”
Alice pulled the thumb from her mouth and mumbled, “We don’t have a Playstation.”
“So a robber came in the night.”
“Girls.” Lizzy walked into the bedroom. “I see you’re both awake.”
Jessie looked up at her mum, hands on hips, and frowned. “Why is she in my room?”
“Jessica, don’t be rude.” Lizzy sat down and pushed the hair away from Jessie’s forehead. “And don’t frown, it might stick.”
“A frown can’t stick. Dad says you’re telling porky pies.”
“Porky pies, eh? We’ll see, when you’re sixty, and people use your face as a map to show the way to Timbuktu.”
“There’s no such place as that.” Jessica crossed her arms.
“There most certainly is, it’s in Africa, in fact.” She pinched Jessie’s nose between two fingers, and smiled at Alice, “I know a joke about Timbuktu.”
“What? Tell me!” Jessica bounced up and down on the bed. “Is it naughty?”
“No!” Lizzy laughed. “I don’t tell naughty jokes.”
“That’s not what Dad said to Adrian on the phone.” Jessie giggled.
“Well, I’ll just have to talk to Dad about that, now, won’t I?” Lizzy rolled her eyes and gave an exaggerated sigh.
“What about the joke?” Jessie asked.
Alice looked from mother to daughter, how their skins matched – pale with pink splotches on their cheeks. Their hair was almost the same chestnut brown, but Lizzy had a few pink streaks in hers. And their eyes were both milk chocolate brown.
Lizzy thought for a second, then said, “Actually the joke’s about Tipperary…”
“Is that in Africa as well?”
“I…”
“Where’s my Mummy and Daddy?” Alice said.
“I’m not sure. Do you want me to find out?” Lizzy twisted her wedding ring around her finger.
Alice nodded, her thumb back in her mouth.
“Jessie, if you go in my wardrobe, there’s a pile of clothes you grew out of, from last summer. Can you find something decent for Alice to wear?” Lizzy inhaled deeply and stood, her shoulders saggy, the smile gone from her face.
“But Mum!” Jessie put her hands on her hips and frowned. “Why do I have to?”
Lizzy walked out of the room. “Just do as I say,” she called, her voice fading as she descended the stairs.
“Come on, Alice.” Jessie climbed down onto the trundle bed, hopped down to the floor, and ran out of the room.
Alice stayed where she was, her knees pulled up to her chest, watching the window.
“Look what I found!” Jessie skipped back in a few minutes later, holding a yellow summer dress out in front. “Uncle Jim gave it to me for my sixth birthday, but it was too small, and Mummy told me yellow wasn’t my colour after Uncle Jim left. So I never got to wear it, and it’s so pretty. Try it on.”
Jessie thrust the dress at Alice, who didn’t move. She dropped it on Alice’s knees, and tapped her foot, hands on waist. “Why are you waiting?”
Slowly, Alice placed Bubbles on her pillow. She turned towards Jessie, pulled off her pyjamas, and slipped the dress on.
Jessie gasped. “You look like a princess.” She pulled out a box from her bookshelves. “I’m going to finish you off.” She lifted the lid, and rummaged around, pulling out a bottle of red nail polish. “Spread your fingers out on the bed.”
***
“What have you girls been up to?” Lizzy stood in the doorway, fidgeting with the tassels that fell from the waistband of her skirt. The little bells on the ends jingled like the one inside Bubbles.
“I wanted to make Alice into a princess,” Jessie said. She held a large palette with a variety of garish shades of pink in one hand, a makeup brush in the other.
“Well, Alice, you look very pretty. Would you like to take a peek in my mirror?”
Alice nodded. “I want my mummy,” she said.
Lizzy reached out and took Alice’s hand. “I phoned before I came up. I talked to your mummy, and she said they’re home, but they have some visitors. They’re busy in the house and need a little while longer. Would you like some breakfast before I take you over?”
Alice shook her head.
“Up you come, poppet.” Lizzy picked up Alice, and stood with her in front of the mirror. “You’ll need to have some breakfast.”
“My lips are red,” Alice said.
“And look at your hair.” Lizzy pointed into the mirror at the long black plaits, one on either side of Alice’s head. “Jessie, did you do this all by yourself?”
“Yup. Alice was brilliant. She sat still most of the time. I only had to tell her off once.”
“You told her off? What did you say?” Lizzy asked.
“I told her I wouldn’t finish her hair, and that all the boys at school would laugh because only half her hair was done.”
“You didn’t.” Lizzy glanced at Alice. Alice shrugged.
“It doesn’t matter, because she doesn’t go to big school yet.” Jessie dropped the palette of eye shadow in one of her dressing table drawers.
“Jessica Stevens! You can’t do that. Say sorry to Alice.”
“But Mum…”
“Now.”
“Sorry Alice,” Jessie said. “Do you like your hair?”
Alice nodded, taking the thumb from her mouth and patted the plaits. “I want my mummy,” she said.
“Okay, poppet.” Lizzy kissed Alice’s forehead. “But breakfast first.”
***
Mummy opened the front door almost as soon as Lizzy knocked. Somewhere inside the house, someone sobbed.
“Oh sweetness, I missed you.” Mummy reached out, and Alice passed from Lizzy’s arms to her mother’s. “I missed you so much.”
She buried her head in Alice’s hair, inhaling deeply, a sob escaping before she pulled back, her eyes red-rimmed. Alice stuck out a finger and traced the dark lines under her mother’s eyes.
“Thank you for taking her,” Mummy said, stepping back inside the house, one hand on the door handle.
“No probs, Teri. What are friends for?” Lizzy reached out and touched her mother’s hand. “Can I do anything else?”
“No. Thanks.” Mummy wrapped her arms tightly around Alice. Too tight, and Alice squirmed in the embrace.
“Anything you need, I’m only two doors away,” Lizzy said. “Come and knock, ring me up on the telephone, hell, throw a rock, you’re close enough. I’m here for you.”
Mummy nodded and closed the door.
The sobbing grew louder after the door clicked closed. Alice thought the person was in the living room. Why were they crying so hard?
Mummy carried Alice down the hall and through to the kitchen, before placing Alice in her booster seat. The table was clean. No breakfast plates in the sink. There was a single mug by the sink. Mummy sat in the next chair, and leaned her face into her hands. A few tears slipped between her fingers, and dropped onto the tabletop.
“Mummy…”
“David’s gone,” Mummy said in a choked voice. She straightened and looked at Alice. “He’s gone to heaven. He’s with Gramma and Pappi.” Her voice went high and funny, then she gulped in a breath and put a smile on her face, painted, like the china doll her father bought back from his trip to Hong Kong. “Lizzy said you saw a man in your room last night.”
Alice nodded.
“Was there really someone there?”
Alice nodded again.
“What as he doing? Was he doing something to David?” Mummy reached out and cupped Alice’s face, the palms damp. “This is very important. Did he do something to my baby?” Her voice ascended on the last word.
Alice reached out and waved her hands in front of Mummy’s nose.
“What is this? He waved at David? What did he do? Did he put a pillow on his face? Did he push on his chest? What did he do to my BABY?”
Alice clutched Bubbles, the bell inside him tinkling as she pressed into the back of her chair and away from her mother.
“He came in, Mummy.” She waved her hands about again. She couldn’t get the movement right. He was fading from her memory, like a dream in the morning. “He did this, Mummy. He did this to David.” She cartwheeled her arms, banging them on the table. “He left through the window, flew out to the moon.”
Mummy caught Alice’s arms and clamped them down on the tabletop. “There wasn’t a man in the room.”
The sobbing in the lounge increased, and her mother released her grip. “Your father needs me.”
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Comments
Very beautiful writing. The
Very beautiful writing. The child speech is so authentic, never doubted it for a second. If this is a long story, consider it followed. The only bit that needs clarifying in this, for me, is : She cartwheeled her arms, banging them on the table. I just can't visualise it. Please hurry with your next bit.
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Opening line is passive: When
Opening line is passive: When Alice woke up, Jessie was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching. I'd write it as Jessie sat on the edge of the bed, watching Alice. Or cut the first few lines and start with “I asked why you’re in my room,” Jessie said, and tapped her big toe against Alice’s arm.
Just polishes the opening a little which needs to hold the reader's attention.
This is mainly a dialogue piece which was done well - there's distinct voices between the characters. I wonder if Alice might reflect more on what she saw internally. I wasn't sure about the cart wheeling part either. If this strange man could float through the piece more, you'd have a more sinister feel. Great idea to build on and if I was Alice I'd be scared to close my eyes.
Onto the next part...
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Yeah, I see what you're doing
Yeah, I see what you're doing - I guess a very young child wouldn't reflect that much. I just think the "moon" guy is potentially a very creepy figure.
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As Vera says, the dialogue
As Vera says, the dialogue between the children is excellent. You're a natural for voices. I like how quickly they settle into one another.
I like the little flicker of the man when Alice's hair falls over her eyes - a well-placed echo that adds a bit of depth to her childish description of the man flying out to the moon at the end... very well handled.
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hair falling like a curtain
hair falling like a curtain is a bit cliched.
I italicised for stress is perhaps best emphasised in another way as it looks like a /
cartwheeled doesn't work, but everything else does, beautifully. Next bit.
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