The Happiness is Arriving

By God'sPoeticChild

Sat, 03 May 2014
  • 3005 reads
6 comments
 

Happy thoughts are going through my mind so fast. It feel so good to be thinking positive for a change. Negative thoughts are banished from my mind from now on. It feels so good in my bones. Hidden smiles are finally showing. My eyes glowing when I smile. This feeling is so good. The excitement jumping in my body and I feel like screaming and yelling. I'm not sad right now, I'm very excited. I finally feel apart of something that makes me feels so good. I don't feel left out of things anynore. I can't give up anymore because God has yet to give up on me. I love living because people care. People actually care about me being here. They don't want me sad and moping around all the time. These people that care actually has faith in me. It feels so good. This happiness feels so good. I'm just super excited. This excitement makes me want to dance. I want to show people that I'm happy. I don't have to isolate myself from people because they do care. I want to show my happiness not my sadness. I am happy and excited, I am a beautiful woman of God. I am God's child. People notice the good gifts that I have. God gave me those gifts so I can show them. I don't speak the negative I speak the positive. I feel the love coming towards my way.

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Poem
Starting of a New Fix Up
Young Writers

Comments

Submitted by maisie on

I really like the flow that you've put into this paragraph poem.  I do feel however to improve it you should take some time to read it aloud to yourself, then you can hear/feel/see where you can make your poem work much smoother.  You will find that the wrong words will stumble out.   

 

Thank you for sharing your work.  

maisie angel Guess what?  I'm still alive!

Submitted by God'sPoeticChild on

Thanks Maisie, I appreciate the advice that you have given me. I will use that advice on my other poems as will. I appreciate you taking the time to read my work. Hopefully you read more of my poems. Appreciate it. 

Taris :) 

God's Poetic Child

http://thepoeticchild.wordpress.com 

Submitted by Shannan on

Amen! ... from my perspective the line "God's yet to give up on me" is nonsense as HE NEVER EVER GIVES UP ON ANY OF HIS SHEEP... Just wanted to point that out ;-) 

First line - an 's' on that 'feel' that would make more sense for me.

What always helps me in writing is my thesaurus... so instead of only excited - you can be awoken, stirred up, stimulated, roused, evoked, enkindled, incited, enthusiastic, exhilarated, thrilled, inflamed... and so on, there are LOADS more.

I agree with Maisie's comments too, always a fantastic idea to read your stuff aloud to yourself about a week after writing it - writing is all in the edit ;-)

Stay blessed, $ 

 

Submitted by God'sPoeticChild on

Thanks Maisie, Shannan and Otto for that great advice. I notice in my poems about the words I was using and if I change them it will make my poem sound so much better. I appreciate you all reading my work and giving me advice. Thanks so much. This is very good feedback. 

Taris. :)

God's Poetic Child

http://thepoeticchild.wordpress.com 

Submitted by Ray Schaufeld on

Love of life, awareness of the love around you, Taris this is lovely, long may it last!      Elsie

Submitted by God'sPoeticChild on

Thanks Elsie. :) 

God's Poetic Child

http://thepoeticchild.wordpress.com