post down the line

Cherry

By celticman

Sat, 03 May 2014
  • 4324 reads
17 comments
 

We grew up, lips leerin’

The whistle went son, the game begins

Once round, no-man’s again

Barbed wire, no-holds quintain

Drilling, dodging, filthy pawers

Bargain-basement boys, puffed-out crawlers

Face full of maggots, a gimlet kiss

A polite sigh, before good-bye.

The forgotten soldier on holy day

Secret of life open as a chimney breast

Knick-knack of scarlet jabot on his chest

No eidola, always a lousy son

For God’s sake, get in line

It’s that old earth’s crying time.

Certificate PG
Poem

Comments

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

love the imagery in this celticman - good luck in the competition!

 

Submitted by Bee on

I agree with Ins, vivid and stunning imagery. The poem is moving on many levels at the same time as getting your message across. The last two lines really got to me.

This is such a strong poem, sharply written.

Bee

Submitted by celticman on

thanks insert, you should enter. And thanks bee, I hope you've entered too. I'll be checking up on you so don't lie.

 

Submitted by maisie on

very unexpected images, loved the 'forgotten soldier on holy day'  best so far today for me :) thanks:)

maisie angel Guess what?  I'm still alive!

Submitted by jeand on

Beautifully written. Saying so many things in so few words.

Jean Day

Submitted by celticman on

cheers maisie and jean. war with words.

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

You seem to have this poetry thingie off to a fine art, celtic, so I shall add my good wishes for every success in that competition.

Tina

 

Submitted by celticman on

ah tina, from a poet like yourself that's a grand compliment.

 

Submitted by Linda Wigzell Cress on

Wonderful poem celticman, I so admire your rhythm and economical use of language, spot-on and so emotive. 

Linda

Submitted by Ray Schaufeld on

CM your poem is intriguing and completely different from the rest!      Elsie
 

Submitted by Denzella on

Hello celtic,

I think your opening lines are very clever.  Very you.  Very Celtic.  You start with lines that give the idea of a football match and then bring it on with your mention of Bargain-basement boys and the final two lines are like a punch to the gut.  A strong entry I should imagine.

Good luck

Moya

 

Submitted by celticman on

cheers elsie and moya.

 

Submitted by VeraClark on

And you bloody told me poetry ain't your thing! Brilliant -  stunning imagery and a trip of a rhythm. Best of luck.

 

Submitted by celticman on

thanks Vera, poetry's like women, impossible to understand, but that doesn't mean we don't like them.

 

Submitted by Ray Schaufeld on

Yeh right CM and does that mean that men who write poetry are more impossible than men who write prose? Do not write your answer on both sides of the paper at oncesmiley     Elsie

Submitted by VeraClark on

angry

 

Submitted by celticman on

everything is possible and everyone is impossible at the same time Elsie. We write to figure it out. Or at least I do.