Starve her of a father

Cherry

By blighters rock

Thu, 28 Nov 2013
  • 2274 reads
11 comments
 

Starve her of a father

Let her feel your pain

Paint him as a monster

She’ll never see again.

 

Starve her of a father

Scrub her till she’s raw

Tell her what she needs to know

And not a whisper more.

 

Starve her of a father

Cloud her every thought

Render her in soft dark clay

Harden her till tort.

 

Starve her of a father

Watch her grow in shame

Guide her through the narrow way

Blind her with your game.

 

Starve her of a father

Who stole away her love

Send her down the lonely road

Good to push and shove.

 

Starve her of a father

Make sure she never knows

The lies you applied to yesterday

Are in their final throes.

 

And when she asks the question

‘But why did you have to lie?’

Tell her that he made you

For the time that passed you by.  

Certificate 15
Poem

Comments

Submitted by scratch on

That the last stanza does not share the repetitive enjambment of the ones before is a really effective way of heightening the readers appreciation of the whole thing.  Normally one expects to see the symetry maintained throughout but here that convention is ignored to really great effect.  

There's no question about the conviction and the depth of feeling in this poem, the narrator's voice seems to stem from a chronic understanding of the circumstance and there is almost a resignation regarding the inevitable maintenance of the status quo.

I was a little uncertain about the rhythm in places, especially in the 6th stanza but now after a few reads I really can't see why I was initially concerned.  A well considered and well executed rhyming poem and one that I really enjoyed.

 

Submitted by scratch on

I really like this one Blighters.

 

 

Submitted by blighters rock on

Massive Cheers, Scratch. For me, the best way of finding out whether a poem reads well is to read it aloud. That's the only effective way to be sure it works.  I don't often do this enough and it always shows. The act of reading aloud is quite a strange one, especially from the block of flats where I live. I like reading loud and the subject matter's not always roses and fishtails, so maybe I need to go to the park and shout there.

 

Submitted by Canonette on

Only if you want an ASBO. (Shouting in parks, even poetry as good as this, is probably considered a public nuisance).  

 

 

Submitted by blighters rock on

I thought about that, C. I'm not going to the park to rant alone. Best do it in the bathroom for high res sound.

 

Submitted by maggyvaneijk on

Powerful, it reads like stream-lined anger which is an accomplishment!

 

Submitted by blighters rock on

Cheers, Maggy. Clenched teeth anger, like a ventriloquist. 

 

Submitted by Ray Schaufeld on

'send her down the lonely road

good to push and shove'

 

This stands out the best in a set of sharp lyrics that blaze with anger. You could probably make loadsmoney with it too, there is a father's rights association - 'families need fathers' I think it is.    

When we are talking in realtime of course what is probably best for children is two parents who love one another  in a non-conflicted way and lots of helpful extended family and friends 'it takes a village to bring up a child.' Yeh, I wish...               Elsie        

Submitted by Sooz006 on

So very true, when marriage ends what is there left to fight with but the child? It should be law that children shouldn't be poisioned against the absent parent. My son grew up without his father. it was never hard not to slag him off to my boy (I have my diary for that) Chilren should be allowed to make up their own minds and a person may be a terrible spouse but a fantastic parent, give them enough rope to either use it to climb or hang themselves. My husband hanged long ago and I never laid a finger on the rope. 

 

Lovely piece of writing, well observed and the story of many an unhappy child and lost parent. 

 

Submitted by blighters rock on

Thanks for reading, Sooz!

 

Submitted by Denzella on

Richard,

This is a brilliant, but sad poem about so many divorces where the child is used as a weapon to hurt the person who does not have custody.  The pain is all there in your writing and that takes skill and honesty.  The one word 'starve' is for me the most powerful word because it implies that the child is being denied the sustenance to maintain life.  A child needs a father as well as a mother.

Moya