The Purge of Venus

Do you really wanna hear this, guys?

I mean, it’s funny, but also really … well … I mean, seriously, I don’t know if I should even say it …

Never mind, I don’t want to.

No.

No.

You don’t want to know! Seriously!

Oh, alright. But hey, I warned you, so don’t get mad. Okay?

So. It was a hot day. I mean, really hot. Billy wouldn’t shut up about how he was just dying and my parents were getting sick of it, so they told me to just take the little twerp to the pool already. I didn’t wanna go. I was just fine locked up in my room with the AC on blast, just chilling and watching videos online. But no, they said I had to. So, like a good older sister, I took him to the pool. But he didn’t wanna go to the one that’s right around the corner, no, I had to drive the kid all the way to the one at the park because it’s the “big kids pool.”

At least he calmed down when we finally got there. Before I could even say “sun protection,” he was already paddling in the deep end, and I just thought I didn’t need to take care of him … Hey, I am a good big sister! He’s alive, isn’t he? Nothing happened to him! … So yeah, he just spent the whole time swimming. For a whole half-hour I just sat on the stairs in the shallow end, waiting for him to tucker himself out so I could go back to my laptop already. I waded around a little, but that was it.

Then I felt it coming. … No, not a baby, you bitches! No, I’m talking about pee.

Like, I had to pee really badly. I didn’t have to go when I was home, it was one of those things where you just didn’t feel like going when you could have. I couldn’t hold it in, I had to let it out, but I wasn’t gonna use some stank-ass public bathroom … next to a public pool! They can’t honestly expect us to go inside those moist stalls and sit on those toilets where a million bare asses have sat, and with puddles of what you have to hope is pool water all over the floor. Hell no. And there was no way I could hold it in until I got home again, so I had to do the only thing I could do.

No, it’s not that. I went to another part of the pool and pissed there. I didn’t wanna sit in my own pee for another hour, are you crazy?!

Don’t give me that, everyone does it. Public pools are like eighty percent pee anyway.

So I figured that was it. I have to say, I was relieved. Felt good to get it all out … and I mean all, it was a lot, I mean a lot. Could have drowned a cockroach. So yeah, felt good. I thought that’d be it, and I’d just keep waiting until Billy whines that he wants to leave.

But no, something even better happened. A guy came.

Yes, he was hot.

You should have seen him. He had to be in his early twenties. His face was like an actor, sorta like Ryan Reynolds, sorta like Jake Gyllenhaal, a weird mix that worked out really well. He had a firm jaw covered with a muzzle that was not too fuzzy but not clean-shaven either, perfectly in the middle. And he was obviously lifting at the gym, with a perfect chest and biceps and triceps and whatever else there was. It looked Photoshopped, that’s how good his bod was. Fuck, he even didn’t skip leg day. And he came in a fucking speedo. It’s like he wasn’t there to swim, he was there to impress me. Well, it worked … From the moment he put down his towel on a table, to the moment he took off his shirt, to the moment he walked into the pool, I just stared. I didn’t make it obvious, my head didn’t follow him and my eyes weren’t wide open … I think … but I couldn’t stop looking at him. It was like love at first sight, but not love, just he was gorgeous.

And then he started walking toward where I peed.

I started freaking out inside. I couldn’t just let him go there, but I also couldn’t just shout, “Hey, hot guy, go away from there, that’s where all my pee is!” All I could do was stare in agony as he slowly made his way to fucking Water Chernobyl.

Then something weird happened. Meaning, nothing happened.

It’s like he didn’t even notice that the water was suddenly as warm as outside the pool. He didn’t swim away in disgust or anything. Actually, the opposite happened. He started splashing around in it.

I swear to God he did. He just started going apeshit, diving his head under and spiraling his body around like he hadn’t seen water in forever and wanted to take it all in with his body, and I could see sometimes his mouth would open underwater. And it’s weird because he wasn’t like this when he got inside the pool, he walked through a pretty big part of the shallow end before going there, and the rest of the pool was a lot cooler and more refreshing. I couldn’t think of any reason for why he didn’t go all out like this as soon as he got inside the pool, why he only started doing this when he gotthere. Then I thought maybe he knew exactly what he was swimming in and just didn’t care. All I knew for sure is that he was where I peed a lot, and he was enjoying the water.

And it was hot. I mean, really hot.

Before he went, I had to close my eyes, but when I saw what was happening I couldn’t stop looking. This guy, this super-hot guy, was getting himself wet all over, his perfect hair got even more perfect when the water forced it down, and each time he lifted himself out I could see droplets just flow down his pecs like raindrops racing down a car window to his abs and then his trunks and it was just wow. It’s hard to describe the sight, but I just felt this fire inside, you know?, like clean up on aisle my pants. The whole thing probably lasted twenty seconds but felt like it was going in slow-mo.

After that, he swam some laps … I guess he did swimming as exercise, which would explain his excitement to be in the pool and his perfect body, and the speedo … and nothing else really happened. A little while later, Billy asked to go home. But this shy girl, awkwardly staring from the corner of her eyes while trying to look like she didn’t just have the hottest experience of her life, was not the same. That day, I witnessed something that should have been really nasty, but I also experienced some crazy reinvigoration, a sensational, sensual desire on a scale I never knew existed. An awakening.

Basically, I have a pee fetish now.

Now are you glad that I told you?