For S., 8 Poems (7/8)
By bosch
- 2353 reads
7 WHEN WE'RE GONE
I wish you hadn't deleted
The 600+ messages we shared,
Cavafy, koans, fiesty sex.
I smiled, laughed out loud
At your puns, double entendres,
Every time I re-read them.
Your daughters, my sons,
Not horrified, might have found
Intriguing the kind of people
We were that year--the future
Eerily beautiful--a glyph
Lined canyon, then horizon.
5/13
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Comments
Oh yes...
This is proving to be a really excellent collection of poetry indeed.
I really like the whole thing here, however from the 'Your Daughters, my sons,' line the piece gains further strength and more movement. Time-shifting effectively in so few lines is not easy but you make it seem so.
Very good.
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Ah...
I wondered what had happened to #8. That casita sounds like it has something special going for it.
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I liked this one, bosch -
I liked this one, bosch - good and natural assonance in the melding of words and flow of thoughts, which draw back to past, then bring us to the now, with the idea of exploring imagined opinions and reactions of the next generation. It starts out as a message of mild regret that the evidence has gone, almost as if you would have liked the texts to be found as a sort of affirmation of once being as they are now, even though the content -having been gone over, is thoroughly ingrained in memory. To the reader, the lack of detail (just enough) regarding the content of the messages leaves much to the imagination, and I liked that, too.
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