Mandarin - re-write

Gold cherry

By Bee

Tue, 10 Mar 2015
  • 5526 reads
25 comments
 

The painted birds are back,
pairing in the dapple 
shadows of pre-spring clouds,

too flamboyant 
for this urban park
where sticky mitts lob bread, 
gobbled by the gaggle-bullies
who announce with comic pride,

presence and possession, spitting 
snakelike at the dogs, eager to decipher  
each fowl message paddled in mud.

I check - as if he'd fly in with the flock, 
exclaiming, 'Look Mum, Chinese ducks!'
And we would laugh and lob stale bread
as in the days boys never dreamt of leaving.
 

Certificate U
Poem
Unclassified

Comments

Submitted by tibi popovici on

Bee, I think you live somewhere near a park and each morning you try to paint with words what's happening there smiley Great result!

Submitted by Bee on

It's a lake - I do like it. Thanks tibi.

Bee

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

What beautiful colourful birds they are, I just loved your poem Bee and the picture sets it off nicely.

I also loved your description of them being flamboyant, setting themselves apart from the other birds.

Brilliant write and much enjoyed.

Jenny.  smiley

 

Submitted by Bee on

Oh, I'm so pleased you liked it Jenny, thank you. I get so excited to see them, but the geese tend to push them out of the way. They're all paired up now, so I hope to see some babies before long. 

Bee

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Not sure how it's different, but probably a bit crisper! Still liked it anyway, and maybe especially last couple of lines with the picture that conjures up in the mind.
Long ago, for the children I think, I did do a little one on the colours of the Mandarin. If you'd like to see it it's at http://www.abctales.com/story/rhiannonw/male-mandarin-duck

Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Bee on

Hi Rhiannon. I've left the first one on for now, if you wanted to see the changes. I'm just going to look at yours. Thank you for reading - I really appreciate it. 

Bee

Submitted by Bee on

Hi Rhiannon, again. I just read your wonderful poem (for children) about the Mandarin drake. I did post a comment on it, but in case you didn't see, I'll just say here, too - it's such a wonderful description and a lovely poem which I will be reading to my little granddaughter when she comes to see me tomorrow. She's into poetry, and adores all to do with nature. 

Thank you for directing me to your poem, the two go together nicely, mine, and yours - which I hope others will enjoy as much as I have.

Bee xx

Bee

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thanks, Bee. Glad you enjoyed, mine was just a fun description. they are lovely colourful and cheering creatures. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Bee on

Thank you Editor for reading and for cherries. smiley

Bee

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

This is such a lovely description, yes they do look painted, it's hard to believe they look like that naturally.  Those lovely days we thought would never end.

Submitted by Bee on

Thanks Philip. We didn't think they would end...

Bee

Submitted by scratch on

This is our facebook and twitter pick of the day!

Get a fantastic reading recommendation every day.

 

Submitted by Bee on

Thanks scratch. I'm over the moon! 

Bee

Submitted by luigi_pagano on

You are on a roll, Bee. Congratulations on the golden cherries.

Luigi x

 

Submitted by Bee on

Thanks Luigi.

x

Bee

Submitted by VeraClark on

Beautiful snapshot of nature and nurturing.

 

Submitted by Bee on

Thanks Vera.

Bee

Submitted by tibi popovici on

Oh nice smiley Congratulations, Bee! Good job! wink

Submitted by Bee on

Thanks tibi.

Bee

Submitted by jeand on

Hi Bee

Yes, I think this one is even better than the first, although that was very good too.

Jean

Jean Day

Submitted by Bee on

Thanks so much, Jean.

Bee

Submitted by prettyrose on

smileyHi Bee, i hope you are well,But living near a lake you should be :) so jelous.I agree with Jennifer, your picture is beautiful and engaging just like your poem,loved it and so deserving of cherriesyes.

Take care

Trish

smiley Keep Smiling

Keep Writing xxx

Submitted by Bee on

Don't be jealous, Trish, it's only a little man made lake. Thanks for your lovely comments. Definitely smiling now. Hope you are, too.

Bee xxxsmiley

Bee

Submitted by RJF on

Beautiful piece Bee, I didnt see the original but this is perfect and well deserved golden cherries. R x 

 

Submitted by Bee on

Thanks so much, R. Really pleased you liked it.

x

Bee