Mum, I promise I won't let guilt consume me

Cherry

By blighters rock

Thu, 26 Mar 2015
  • 8108 reads
16 comments
 

We arrive almost together

sit for tea before going up

these are your final few hours

you have lost the ability to eat.

 

We enter and there you are

I mustn’t cry whatever happens

there are people here

and I don’t want to upset you.

 

I take your hand and stroke it

but I don’t know what to say

it’s been so long coming

my thoughts have turned rotten.

 

You send a tear down your cheek

one of my sisters applies a tissue

but then we remember you can’t see

and she goes running for the door.

 

We’ve never really shown our feelings

me and my sisters

but as I look deep into your face

I know you will soon be at peace.

 

A wave of your spirit races through me

and for a brief moment I am yours

but I fight off the feelings true to form

even now my heart of fear rules.

 

I have been your biggest burden

you always dreaded I’d die before you

and as your hand presses mine for dear life

I know you’re worrying for me even now.

 

 

 

Mum, I blamed you for holding me close

as a lonely child love was a fire in the garden

but you always forgave me then and now

I must do all I can to remember the real you.

 

I only hope you can see I'm changing into me

I am crying real tears and feeling real emotions

for the first time ever

and it’s all because of your undying love.

Certificate PG
Poem
Love

Comments

Submitted by celticman on

a mother's death humbles us. You've caught that guilt and love here. 

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

This brought back so many memories for me reading. It's such an emotional piece, I found myself shedding a tear as I read.

Written with such honesty and love. I commend you for your brave homage to your mother.

I took a lot from this Richard.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by blighters rock on

It is humbling, Celticman, and reveals so much that I took for granted before. I just wish I could have told her how much I really loved her while she was alive. I did, but without tears, still detached from myself, still a ghost.

I'm sorry and happy that this brought back so many memories for you, Jenny. I've been crying like a baby this afternoon and I'm surprised I don't mind saying so. 

Thanks too for those lovely red things, editors. Mum'll be well proud.

 

Submitted by blighters rock on

Thanks, Annest

 

Submitted by Bee on

Honest and heartbreaking words, Richard. Mums forgive because they know without tears that they are loved. And they always worry - even when the time for real concern has passed - (this, from experience). From her photo, she looks lovely. Tears are good - let them flow. I've shed a few myself reading this beautiful poem. 

Bee

Submitted by blighters rock on

So good of you to say those heartfelt words, Bee. It means a lot to read them, reassuring and settling to understand the depth of a mother's love. 

 

Submitted by Canonette on

Everything she did for you, she did because she loved you.  There's no need to feel guilt.  Good mums don't expect much in return, they just want their children to be safe and happy.  I know from talking to you that she was a lovely mum and she knew you'd grown up into a caring and kind hearted person - I'm sure she was proud of you.

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Beautiful, full of love.

Submitted by VeraClark on

A deeply painful, candid piece written with such love

 

Submitted by blighters rock on

Cheers Canonette. It's been a whirlwind day full of emotions I never thought I had. It's good to come to terms with things and to have you and all the crew here.

Cheers for reading Philip

 

Submitted by blighters rock on

Cheers Vera,it was painful to write but needed doing

 

Submitted by blighters rock on

Glad you liked it, Noo. She was a real one-off.

 

Submitted by prettyrose on

smileyHi Blighter Rock. Hope your well. Like Jenny said it brought back so many emotions for me and although still very painful, you captured the scene perfectly. well done and so deserving of cherries.

 

Take Care

 

smiley Keep Smiling

Keep Writing xxx

Submitted by blighters rock on

Many thanks for saying that, Prettyrose. I'm still walking through the mist but starting to see things more clearly now.

 

Submitted by Denzella on

Hello Richard,

This is a beautifully written piece and expresses so well how you are feeling.  I think the loss of any person creates a feeling of guilt in the people closest to them.  But that is just one emotion and like the others such as anger and resentment, in the end all go away until you are left with just love for the person.  Your Mum may have worried about you but she knew she was loved by you.  I remember your distress when she wasn't being given the right food.  I think I suggested you take in some soup but your sisters had already thought of that.  You were that concerned about her  and although she might not know you., your souls would meet and she would feel the love.

Moya

 

Submitted by blighters rock on

Very wise words, Moya, and I believe every one of them!