Potential

Gold cherry

By EB

Sun, 12 Apr 2015
  • 5919 reads
19 comments
 

at tender two he knows
the scent, the swell
and cling of paint that bleeds
between clenched fingers;

blossoms fists; flares 
plump palms to shoot 
star prints across a blank
wide sky. A brush stroke

here and there scrapes
colour in ripples that wave
to mud; doldrum green,
with streaks of red

he'll remember later -
when he buries her. But 
for now he paints the sea
without notion of future

Certificate 15
Poem
Other Fiction

Comments

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

A lovely mix of ideas, the poignancy of a child's first experience with paint, the connotations of blood and life and death, transience. Really like it. I just wonder if clench'ed' might read better.

Submitted by EB on

Thanks for the advice Philip. I'll make that change.

Submitted by scratch on

This is our facebook and twitter pick of the day!

Get a fantastic reading recommendation every day.

 

Submitted by scratch on

This is a fantastic first piece from you Elliot.  Really promissing.  Can't wait for the next one!  

 

Submitted by EB on

Thanks scratch.

Submitted by EB on

Many thanks for 'pick of the day'. That was a real surprise. 

Submitted by Starfish Girl on

The comparison of the child's innocence compared to what the poem seems to infer what will happen in the future is quite startling.

Very well written with some lovely images.

Lindy

Submitted by EB on

Thanks Lindy, much appreciated.

Submitted by torscot on

Hello EB

Scratch has said it all for me.

Likewise looking forward to reading another post

torscot

Submitted by EB on

Thanks torscot.

Submitted by celticman on

lovely in a deranged kind of way. 

 

Submitted by EB on

Thanks celticman.

Submitted by chant on

very accomplished, if abc continues to acquire writers of your standard it'll be quite a hotspot.

 

Submitted by scratch on

And at this rate too Chant.  What's going on!

 

Submitted by EB on

Thanks chant, that's nice of you to say.

Submitted by london_calling79 on

This is stunning. Some of the lines are feathers and others daggers.

 

Submitted by EB on

Feathers and daggers, that's great. Thanks london_calling79.

Submitted by Geoff Smith on

I was sceptitcal before I read this, but I have to say that I loved it. The second stanza sounds amazing and you link your image into the bigger(the biggest) theme so skillfully that I am suitably wowed. Erm...wow.

Thanks for reading. I am grateful for your time.

Submitted by EB on

Hi Geoff. Thank you for telling me why you liked it. Great review.