I

I

Hey up there

up in my mind

if you even want to listen

it’s not like the therapist told you to

it’s not like i’m a shadow of what used to be

since you left me

hey

it’s me

do you remember

the girl who

you

used to be

the little girl

who used to sing on the bus

the little girl

who said “don’t funny at me”

all I can do is re--

gret

because i was trying to for--

get who she is

who I am

are you lost in my filing cabinets stacked so high

you can’t go over them

can’t get through them

it is a maze of memories

winding like the the paths i’ve taken in this hellish world

lined with the greenish gray of filing cabinets

greenish

gray

are you listening?

come

to what is left of

home in my mind

let me understand myself

i find only dead ends

like the dead ends of my hair

lifeless

and uneven

did you know

i used to believe in the greek gods

I used to believe

because I

thought that

I could

abandon

reality

i want to again play little games

with little toys

without aiming

to escape my little life

do you remember

the girl who believed

come down my winding staircase

with marble that has flecks of my sorrows

and colored with my fear

railings a polished dread

detailing done with paint the ominous color of pain

show me

or you can’t be real

i want to again be the girl

who didn’t cry herself to sleep

are you finally listening