My Other Life is

Gold cherry
Poem of the week
Pick of the Month

By Philip Sidney

Fri, 24 Apr 2015
  • 19936 reads
54 comments
 

My other life is a peach

bare feet, warm sand

clear running water

mind, body, place

sweet blossom

contentment

gold, green

birdsong

sunlight

leaves

space

to be

me

but

this life

is a bitch

flea-ridden

tongue-lolling

down-trodden

whining, whining

hot breath and drool

night pacing, back-biting

sad eyes pleading don’t go

I think of my other life when

this one bites, stroke its head

feel warmth and tremble, I stay.

Certificate U
Poem

Comments

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Goodness!  Thank you so much. smiley

Submitted by sid on

superb poem! Really effective formatting without sacrificing quality or readability, and I loved the subtly sinister ending

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Thank you sid! smiley

Submitted by MJG on

both words and shape.... well done..

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Thank you so much MJG! :)

Submitted by celticman on

yep, works for me. My other life is balderdash and doube-trouble

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Thanks celticman :).

Submitted by Parson Thru on

Brilliant Philip. Well done and a great pick.

Parson Thru

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Thank you Parson Thru. :)

Submitted by Aresem on

I envy your creativity, that was such a cool concept.

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Thanks Aresem, :)

Submitted by Ed Crane on

This poem is a terrific piece with such a strong theme I think it stands out whatever the format.

I loved the idea of my other life is a "Porsche" and the vivid description of true life as some kind of  "animal" with a slightly soft centre.

It is because of that I think the curve shape adds nothing to the major impact this piece makes.

Sorry about that.

Ed

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Thanks Ed, so pleased that you think it works with or without the format, funnily it took on its shape almost organically. smiley

Submitted by blighters rock on

Staying is made easier with poems like this. A really imaginative and therapeutic exercise to strengthen resolve against the pitfalls of daily life. Thanks for sharing this. It would be well received by a psychology/ psychotherapy trade magazine.

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Thank you so much Blighters, what a lovely thing to say. :)

Submitted by Ed Crane on

As I mentioned before, this is a terrific piece regardless of form. Write it down anyway you want and it will be still be great.

Well done on this well deserved poem of the month

Ed

 

Submitted by seannelson on

sublime, strange, and beautiful

"If I send you post-cards from the side of the road: photographs of movies, and hearts about to implode"  -  Elliott Smith

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Thank you :)

 

Submitted by socialeaf on

Gosh, after your kind words on my poem, I thought I'd check you out. This is brilliantly done. Enjoy the shape and how it lends itself to the contast in the poem. this life is a bitch- love it! Roy 

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Thank you so much Roy. :)

Submitted by london_calling79 on

The 'me' in the middle! Genius. This is a lesson in the importance of structuring your writing for an effect as it's not just the words in our armories for that.

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Thanks LC :)

Submitted by Ladylily on

Heaven and this world which is so cruel. The thing is Heaven does exist...I call it Summer-Land. We're only here to learn lessons. Your poem is fantastic. Written expertly. Abundance of colours and nature.  Last line perfect...For one day we will fleet to our true home and leave all this pain and darkness behind.   Excellent! 

LadyLily

Submitted by MJG on

walt whitman for 21st century ..... lovely

 

Pages