Counting the Hours
By Bee
- 8317 reads
I'm counting down the hours until my daughter arrives home from over the sea and far away. It's been three years since I've seen her. I speak to her lots on FaceTime, which is great because I also get to see / speak to the children who have got to know me in a way that wouldn't have been possible by phone. But great though FaceTime is, it's not the same as being able to grab a hold of them, feel real hugs and kisses; recognize them by smell. And from the opposite perspective, three years is a long time to go without a hug from your mum, as well. Or from my point of view, to have missed those precious moments holding a newborn grandchild. He's two now - can't wait to meet him - squeeze him in the flesh. And soon my son will arrive in the UK.
How wonderful it will be to have all three of my children together in one country at the same time! But of course, although this has been planned for a while, there is that nagging reason behind their wanting to bring the visit forward. Cancer spoils everything;)
As so many who have been in my position will know, it's not nice to have to bring this kind of bad news to your children. And whichever way you look at it, it is bad news, because wherever it's taking you, by all accounts, it's not going to be a pleasant journey getting there. Thankfully, they took it bravely - no histrionics, just a few tears, and an 'ok - so where do we go from here?' That was in front of me, but I know from speaking to others there's been some falling apart behind my back. Still, by the next day they were back with all sorts of useful information, and knowing I would want to tackle this whole affair naturally - with nutrition alone (if possible), they were onto it straight away. And so were my friends.
Take for instance, the subject of diet - carrots, to be precise. Some time before I was born, a friend of my parents, who after surgery, had been told by doctors that his cancer had progressed beyond the point where they could do anything for him, took himself off to a naturopath who put him on a diet of nothing but carrot juice, which he did until he was pronounced cancer-free. I met him when I was 14 and he was still going strong. So then I went on the net and read other accounts where people had used carrot juice to cure cancer, (roughly speaking - carrots are big on sugar - cancer wants sugar - cancer gets needed sugar from carrots but also a massive hit of vitamin A, which kills it. Simplified, it's a honey trap) and having mentioned to family and friends, my intention to do the same, suddenly, organic carrots were turning up by the tons. I was juicing them, roasting them, making soup, feeding them to my rabbits and giving them away. I don't even know where some of them came from. I'd come home and there would be a whole box of them on my doorstep. Kind though it was, it had to stop. So I told everyone I was fine for carrots, and then the flowers starting gathering instead. In the end, I had to go out and buy a couple of vases.
So, back to carrots. I read that I should be juicing 5lb of organic carrots a day, and my wonderful girls found out that I should add to this some ginger and a good quantity of the highly anti inflammatory spice turmeric, which I discovered, when juiced, makes the whole kitchen stink of cats piss. The only problem I have with drinking carrot juice is that I hate it with a passion. It actually makes me gag, like on 'I'm a celebrity...' when they do all that dramatic puking and hacking, whilst dancing around on the spot in order to choke down a ten inch live maggot. I just hold my breath and glug the the evil orange stuff down as fast as possible - like taking medicine - which it is. And if you are wondering, I didn't go orange, though prepared to do so if necessary.
Then after some discussion, my girls decided I should be taking the disgustingly bitter tasting Reishi mushrooms, also bitter apricot kernels, turmeric capsules - which I now am doing, and get this - would I like an enema kit and the ingredients to do coffee enemas, said to aid in detoxing the liver ???
Anyway, the carrot juice cure seemed to halt the growth of the tumor (in all cases I read about) in 8 weeks. For the first two weeks, it was said that nothing happened - same with me - nothing, but then in each case, they found the tumor soon started to shrink and the lymph nodes were clear of cancer by 6 around months.
So, because I really, really didn't want chemo and drugs, after my diagnosis, I intended to put off my appointment for the scans - plus seeing my oncologist for another three weeks - long enough to to see if the carrots would start to take effect, but as it turned out, that was the first appointment they could give me anyway. But the thing is, for any cure to succeed, it has to work faster than the thing it's trying to cure is progressing. And has it? No.
The good news is that the scans didn't show a spread to internal organs, but, (and I am becoming progressively aware of it myself) it's spreading through my lymphatic system in armpit, chest and neck. Now, being the sort of person who asks direct questions, I said, 'So, if I do nothing, how long have I got?' to which the lovely, kind oncologist replied, 'Months, if you're lucky...' Of course, I wanted to know how many. ' - six?' She looked doubtful, 'If that...' So then I asked what I could expect to gain with treatment - answer - two years - maybe. She said it like - wouldn't that be great!!!
But I'm not sure. Basically, with my particular version and stage of the blight, all you hope to get is a bit of time and then it comes back somewhere else, and you're off again, but on different treatment - depending where it turns up. So you're not saving yourself the dreadful end, as I see it, you're just putting it back a bit. Unless the good old carrots kick in later along the line...
They wanted to book me in to start the treatment right away, but I said I wasn't sure and needed to get my head round it. Plus, I've still got a ton of carrots to gag my way through. In the end, after haggling for time, they gave me an appointment for the 16th of this month, to talk again. I have to make my decision by then, but because of the speed of the progress through my lymph nodes, I don't think the poor little carrots can keep up, and it looks like the dreaded chemo is my only option for now.
But I'm ok. In fact, I'm sitting on my bed writing this on my iPad, occasionally gazing into a blue sky dotted with cotton wool clouds. I notice an occasional plane flying high across my window and think to myself as how tomorrow, my away girl is coming home to me. Yay!
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Comments
The humour lifts this out of
The wry humour lifts this out of the ordinary and higlights the sadness. Keep on writing Bee. You deserve a medal for all those carrots!
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Jesus, you'll be like Bugs
Jesus, you'll be like Bugs Bunny soon. Have fun with your girl. A contemplative piece with humour keeping you sane.
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You're an inspiration, how to
You're an inspiration, how to live with adversity, this is pretty wonderful.
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Hi Bee
Hi Bee
I'm glad you did a prose piece and told us a bit more about your situation. How lovely for you to have all your children and grandchildren together.
I have never heard of the carrot diet for cancer - and it sounds to me like it was almost worse than chemo. Chemo has changed a lot over the years and isn't nearly as awful as it used to be. You get an anti nausea drug to go with it, and I don't think my husband was sick once. He didn't feel a lot like eating, and was very tired, but his life didn't change much, he certainly didn't spend all his time in bed - except for one period when he got an infection and had to be hospitalized. In the end, he discharged himself, and took himself off the medication they were giving him - and quickly got better. After that, they reduced his chemo dose by half, and he was able to complete the course of 8 sessions, I think it was.
My brother-in-law took dozens of home remedies for his prostate cancer, including very expensive shark cartilege. He did have radiation treatment too, and hormone therapy but all together he kept the cancer at bay for about eight years, and for the most part had a good life during that time.
I have known several people who have chosen not to be treated, and died within six months or so, as a result. They felt it was the right decision for them, although I think their children were less happy about it. Two years might not seem like much - but I am so pleased that we had that extra time.
Jean
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You sound very strong...which
You sound very strong...which as Philip says is inspirational. This is a heartbreaking read yet you've managed to keep it humorous which is so admirable. Lovely to hear about your children coming.
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For obvious reasons, Bee, I
For obvious reasons, Bee, I've sat here reading this, tears welling up in my eyes with every word. My daughter wasn't 'lucky' enough to have the chance of chemo. Her particular form of cancer rendered the treatment unsuitable...something about 'white blood cell count' or whatever. She had to settle for radiotherapy, which was, or was not, beneficial, depending on the way one looked at it. All I do know is when it came to the crunch she knew when 'to throw in the towel', so to speak , as far as ongoing treatment was concerned. Her goal was to enjoy each and every day she was given to its utmost (as we all must) every single person on this planet being in that particular boat, of course, and I learned so much from her.
I wish you joy with your children, Bee. Wonderful news, and I shall be thinking of you.
Tina
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What an inspiration you are
What an inspiration you are Bee, to couragously keep that sense of humour when living with the big C. It's strange, but my Dad also kept smiling and would spend hours cracking jokes and making us laugh.
I hope with all my heart that they find a real cure for you very soon. Ploughing through all those carrots sounds like hard work, but if they do the job, then maybe they're not so bad.
Take care Bee and keep writing, I'm sure it must help.
Jenny.
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Bee,
Bee,
You are pretty wonderful. I am so glad you will have all your family home to spoil you and give you comfort. I think of you often and I hope the outcome is the one that you would choose for yourself.
Moya xx
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You are very brave
to share this with people. It was something I found very hard to do.
Regarding yes or no to chemo, I can't advise you on what to do. However, the reaction to it is very hit and miss since everybody's body reacts differently.
My oncologist didn't give me much choice. From diagnosis; through surgery; to starting the chemo was a mere four weeks. My surgeon was a bit upset about that in case I wasn't strong enough, but the oncologist wanted to get on with it quickly as only three lymph nodes were affected at that point. . . That was five years ago and I'm considered clear, but I still have that nag at the back of my mind. I don't think the nag will ever go away.
Reading this, I asked myself what would I do. I know what I would do, but I wouldn't want to say in case it biased your very personal decision which only you can make.
Very best wishes for the future, I do hope the onco doctors and nurses are as kind to you as the ones that took care of me.
Love
Keith xxx
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I can't seem to PM you
and I would not like to put my views on site. Perhaps you could ask Claudine (insert) to help. Also I think Bear can still PM me so maybe he can let me know your e-mail adress by PM if thats OK.
I will say however any decision I made for further chemo would depend on how advanced it was (what stage) and where the tumor was located.
xx
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I think you are a warrior -
I think you are a warrior - so brave. Thanks for sharing.
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Bee, I hadn't seen this, been
Bee, I hadn't seen this, been rather just popping in to Poetry mostly. It makes your situation and decisions so much clearer, and I am sorry you have to face it. I'm sure you'll be keeping us in touch with the situation from time to time. Meanwhile as others, I hope you have a really good time with family. much love, and prayers, Rhiannon
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