Counting the Hours

I'm counting down the hours until my daughter arrives home from over the sea and far away. It's been three years since I've seen her. I speak to her lots on FaceTime, which is great because I also get to see / speak to the children who have got to know me in a way that wouldn't have been possible by phone. But great though FaceTime is, it's not the same as being able to grab a hold of them, feel real hugs and kisses; recognize them by smell. And from the opposite perspective, three years is a long time to go without a hug from your mum, as well. Or from my point of view, to have missed those precious moments holding a newborn grandchild. He's two now - can't wait to meet him - squeeze him in the flesh. And soon my son will arrive in the UK.



How wonderful it will be to have all three of my children together in one country at the same time! But of course, although this has been planned for a while, there is that nagging reason behind their wanting to bring the visit forward. Cancer spoils everything;)



As so many who have been in my position will know, it's not nice to have to bring this kind of bad news to your children. And whichever way you look at it, it is bad news, because wherever it's taking you, by all accounts, it's not going to be a pleasant journey getting there. Thankfully, they took it bravely - no histrionics, just a few tears, and an  'ok - so where do we go from here?' That was in front of me, but I know from speaking to others there's been some falling apart behind my back. Still, by the next day they were back with all sorts of useful information, and knowing I would want to tackle this whole affair naturally - with nutrition alone (if possible), they were onto it straight away. And so were my friends.



Take for instance, the subject of diet - carrots, to be precise. Some time before I was born, a friend of my parents, who after surgery, had been told by doctors that his cancer had progressed beyond the point where they could do anything for him, took himself off to a naturopath who put him on a diet of nothing but carrot juice, which he did until he was pronounced cancer-free. I met him when I was 14 and he was still going strong. So then I went on the net and read other accounts where people had used carrot juice to cure cancer, (roughly speaking - carrots are big on sugar - cancer wants sugar - cancer gets needed sugar from carrots but also a massive hit of vitamin A, which kills it. Simplified, it's a honey trap) and having mentioned to family and friends, my intention to do the same, suddenly, organic carrots were turning up by the tons. I was juicing them, roasting them, making soup, feeding them to my rabbits and giving them away. I don't even know where some of them came from. I'd come home and there would be a whole box of them on my doorstep. Kind though it was, it had to stop. So I told everyone I was fine for carrots, and then the flowers starting gathering instead. In the end, I had to go out and buy a couple of vases. 



So, back to carrots. I read that I should be juicing 5lb of organic carrots a day, and my wonderful girls found out that I should add to this some ginger and a good quantity of the highly anti inflammatory spice turmeric, which I discovered, when juiced, makes the whole kitchen stink of cats piss. The only problem I have with drinking carrot juice is that I hate it with a passion. It actually makes me gag, like on 'I'm a celebrity...' when they do all that dramatic puking and hacking, whilst dancing around on the spot in order to choke down a ten inch live maggot. I just hold my breath and glug the the evil orange stuff down as fast as possible - like taking medicine - which it is. And if you are wondering, I didn't go orange, though prepared to do so if necessary.



Then after some discussion, my girls decided I should be taking the disgustingly bitter tasting Reishi mushrooms, also bitter apricot kernels, turmeric capsules - which I now am doing, and get this - would I like an enema kit and the ingredients to do coffee enemas, said to aid in detoxing the liver ???



Anyway, the carrot juice cure seemed to halt the growth of the tumor (in all cases I read about) in 8 weeks. For the first two weeks, it was said that nothing happened - same with me - nothing, but then in each case, they found the tumor soon started to shrink and the lymph nodes were clear of cancer by 6 around months.



So, because I really, really didn't want chemo and drugs, after my diagnosis, I intended to put off my appointment for the scans - plus seeing my oncologist for another three weeks - long enough to to see if the carrots would start to take effect, but as it turned out, that was the first appointment they could give me anyway. But the thing is, for any cure to succeed, it has to work faster than the thing it's trying to cure is progressing. And has it? No. 



The good news is that the scans didn't show a spread to internal organs, but, (and I am becoming progressively  aware of it myself) it's spreading through my lymphatic system in armpit, chest and neck. Now, being the sort of person who asks direct questions, I said, 'So, if I do nothing, how long have I got?' to which the lovely, kind oncologist replied, 'Months, if you're lucky...' Of course, I wanted to know how many. ' - six?' She looked doubtful, 'If that...' So then I asked what I could expect to gain with treatment - answer - two years - maybe. She said it like - wouldn't that be great!!!



But I'm not sure. Basically, with my particular version and stage of the blight, all you hope to get is a bit of time and then it comes back somewhere else, and you're off again, but on different treatment - depending where it turns up. So you're not saving yourself the dreadful end, as I see it, you're just putting it back a bit. Unless the good old carrots kick in later along the line...



They wanted to book me in to start the treatment right away, but I said I wasn't sure and needed to get my head round it. Plus, I've still got a ton of carrots to gag my way through. In the end, after haggling for time, they gave me an appointment for the 16th of this month, to talk again. I have to make my decision by then, but because of the speed of the progress through my lymph nodes, I don't think the poor little carrots can keep up, and it looks like the dreaded chemo is my only option for now.



But I'm ok. In fact, I'm sitting on my bed writing this on my iPad, occasionally gazing into a blue sky dotted with cotton wool clouds. I notice an occasional plane flying high across my window and think to myself as how tomorrow, my away girl is coming home to me. Yay!