Madame Maserati - Reprise

Cherry

By Parson Thru

Tue, 30 Jun 2015
  • 2992 reads
12 comments
 

She moved along the line
Left my life for a while
I never noticed that she’d gone

Then three weeks ago
I saw her striding for her train
Alice-band and sunglasses
Mistress of a cool demeanour
Flowering in the sun

I wonder if she knows this poem’s for her

If I could paint her she would fill a room
Visitors drawn to loiter in her presence
Detained by her enigma

I've caught her eye
But never have I seen her smile

Heard her speak 
Just once in all the years

Mornings and evenings
She leaves the train in silence
Vanishing like smoke into the crowd

I wonder if she’ll notice when I’m gone

Certificate U
Poem
Parson Thruses Dairy
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by VeraClark on

Wistful and touching, captures that hard to pin down longing and strangeness of strangers so well. Could the 'but' before 'once' go or are you attached to it? Is it more impact without? A dreamy piece.

 

Submitted by Parson Thru on

Hi Vera.  Thank you. 

Just?

Maybe?

Parson Thru

Submitted by VeraClark on

How about a pause? 'heard her speak - once

                               to the train conductor

 

Submitted by Parson Thru on

I didn't know how to spell pause. I do now. That will come in handy for teaching English. ;-) Thank you VeraClark. x

Parson Thru

Submitted by Parson Thru on

Gracias editores.

Parson Thru

Submitted by celticman on

absence and presence, all in the one go. Well done.

 

Submitted by Parson Thru on

Thanks celt.

Parson Thru

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Lovely, how people we don't know make a a mark on us, and what a thing to have a poem dedicated to you and not know! 

Submitted by Parson Thru on

Hi Philip. Strange old world. Not sure I'd want to read one about me.

Parson Thru

Submitted by EB on

Great poetry for a muse. 'Mistress of a cool demeanour
Flowering in the sun' - that's nice and adds to the feeling she is being noticed without knowing. The only line that spoils it for me is 'To the train conductor' which in my humble opinion isn't needed, except to say it wasn't to the narrator. Maybe just that - but not to me, although I'd go with just omitting it. Liked it though.

Submitted by Parson Thru on

Thanks EB. Really appreciate your opinion. Tried something else with that line while trying to maintain the flow.

Parson Thru

Submitted by J.L.Hamilton on

lovely and extant

Jeremy Hamilton