Surface Tension

Cherry

By socialeaf

Wed, 01 Jul 2015
  • 1897 reads
6 comments
 

So fleet so fragile

happiness

transient as a paperclip

precariously at rest

on the meniscus of water

over a deep deep well

 

Poised perfectly still

meditating

on surface joys

the light, the warmth

the faces that care

yet fearing the snap will come

 

as science intended

to click through

the fine improbable film

and sink terminally to the bottom

where gravity holds all the cards

in the deep deep well 

 
 
Certificate U
Poem
Leafnotes

Comments

Submitted by london_calling79 on

Surface joys, meniscus and an improbable film. Far reaching and delicate imagery.

 

Submitted by socialeaf on

Thank you london_calling. I feel liked I almost over-tinkered this one. Thanks to the cherrygiver too:) 

 

Submitted by scratch on

Love this socialeaf.

 

Submitted by socialeaf on

 Thank you Scratch!

 

Submitted by EB on

I like this too, and get the sentiments which are finely expressed. If I had one criticism it would be that for the most part, you lean heavily on alliteration,  and near the start, especially 'p' words. Toward the end this evens out and feels more comfortable as you let the words flow out more naturally. Read it out loud and see what you think. But as I said, I like it a lot. 

Submitted by socialeaf on

 Thank you EB. That's an excellent criticism. I'll give it some thought.