Rain

Cherry

By catherine poarch

Sun, 19 Jul 2015
  • 1780 reads
7 comments
 

Rain

 

Prayers fall like raindrops,

that slip through your fingers,

into the sliding mud

and down the dirty drains,

with cruel certainty;

pouring, lost and

forgotten, into the endless sea,

but for the sun,

with its all-embracing heat,

that sucks up the oceans,

dries up the rivers,

parches the earth

and withers the fields of wheat;

then,

breaking the sky,

the rain falls

onto your open hand

and, with a weeping mercy,

onto the broken land.

Certificate U
Poem

Comments

Submitted by Bee on

Beautiful ending, Catherine. Your poem shows how we as humans are often so desperately at the mercy of the weather. And the prayers like rain, very moving. I think it should be pour, rather than 'pouring'. Just a thought. And 'forgotten, into the huge and endless sea,' - perhaps you might not need 'huge' - just 'endless sea' which would be still huge, and would flow really nicely. Just my humble opinion.

Bee

Submitted by Art of the Diver on

Very nice and rounded Catherine. This piece has a striking similarity in it's flow to one of my favourite written pieces called 'Collateral Damage'  Well done on bearing fruit with this poem. Take care... Rob

Submitted by catherine poarch on

Thank you, Bee, Bear and Rob - and for the surprising cherries. I've taken your advice about the huge, Bee, I think you're right. Still in two minds about pour/pouring, I need to keep trying out both. All your comments were lovely and much appreciated. I shall look up Collateral Damage. smiley to all of you. x

 

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Beautiful and sad.

Submitted by catherine poarch on

Thank you, Philip. Appreciate that. smiley

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

This reads very beautifully, Catherine. There also seemed much in it, provoking thought quietly. Your mention of prayer right at the beginning seemed to suggest that real prayers may seem to be useless, and just falling to the earth and the drains, but maybe an answer and help comes almost unnoticed after a little while, like the drained off water returning in fresh rain, and a fresh provision for the wilting crop. And the sun that dries the crop also sucking up that fresh supply! Rhiannon

 

Submitted by catherine poarch on

Thank you, Rhiannon,for your lovely long comment. I found this again yesterday and I wasn't that happy with it but just thought I'd put it on. I do believe in prayers, in every religion, all to the same God, and that they will eventually be answered, often not in the way we expected and quite often when we've forgotten and given up hope.