Help me to stay another day
By Tick tock
- 1588 reads
Angels in heaven, dressed in white,
If you really exist then help me to fight.
Help me to stay another day,
Under this cloud that's always grey
I wish the sky could shine bright blue,
But I know my wish will never come true.
Pink is a colour I used to like,
But I fear i'm starting to loose my sight.
For all I can see is the colour red,
On my face, on my hands, on my clothes and the bed.
So black is the colour that's about to come,
When I find the courage to load the gun.
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Comments
Bleak, but a really good use
Bleak, but a really good use of the inspiration point theme. It did feel on your final line that the rhythm stuttered a little and I wondered if something like 'When I find the courage...' might work better. But I'm not a poet so not too good on offering any technical critiques! I really liked the poem.
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This really packs a punch, TT
This really packs a punch, TT. A great take on the I.P.
Tina
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Very dark - great use of the
Very dark - great use of the colours for feelings.
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