Me, Myself and Jackal

Patient #4396 admitted to Ashworth Hospital, Parkbourn, Liverpool, Merseyside

Date: 15/11/2014

Name: Joseph ‘Jojo’ Moore

Age: 22

Birth Date: 1st September 1993

Admission Date: 19th May 2013

Previously attended St Michael’s Hospital, Warwick. Transferred for pushing staff member out of window during nightmare.

Diagnosis: Mild depression, very severe nightmare disorder accompanied by night terrors, OCD as patient always checks room for what he calls “nasties” as well as keeping room and institution facilities clean, possible personality disorder and mild schizophrenia due to only episodes of detachment from reality and constant hallucinations.

Evaluation: Patient usually exhibits strange behaviour when left on his own. Behaviour includes episodes of detachment from reality (as stated above) and accusing everything around him of being threatening to his life. Restraints are necessary for these episodes. OCD is not problematic, patient is given access to gardening tools and kitchen equipment to keep facilities and grounds clean, considering letting him become groundskeeper apprentice. Patient seems to be rather nice and approachable when not in panicked state. Requires night watch during sleep and jacket restraint to prevent harm to others or self. Patient suffers depression when alone but seems joyful when with other patients or staff. Enjoys cleaning, being outside and writing in his diary. No signs of retardation or learning and comprehension difficulty. Possibly infatuated with Patient #8194. Seems obsessed with a particular hallucination named “Jackal”. Release prospects: Low. Following excerpts taken from patient’s diary for inspection and re-evaluation.

June 4th 2013

Big Move

“She wasn't real. They told me that I killed the lady and not the monsters. I couldn't stop it. I wanted the monsters to go away. When I woke up, Jackal was looking at me and yelling. He’s scary when he yells at me. I don't like when he yells at me. He makes me sad when he gets angry. Then sometimes I get a bit angry too…

He pointed to the window and said look out!! The monsters are gonna eat you, push them away from you! So I did what he told me and I pushed it away. It looked like a bug but I don't know which bug. After pushing it away it fell out of the window.

I looked at Jackal and he smiled at me and said well done. I was happy that he was happy with me. We looked out of the window and saw the lady who brings me my medicine. She was sleeping on the floor but in a weird way. She looked like she wasn’t moving. I asked Jackal what was wrong with her. He hit me on the head and called me and idiot and yelled at me because she was dead. I felt really bad and started crying. I didn’t want the boss to be mad at me. Boss was the man who said he was in charge of my home. I couldn’t really say his name so I just called him Boss. They told me I was going to a new home. Ashworth. Jackal always hated boss and would say rude things about him when he wasn’t there. I didn’t like him saying that but I wouldn’t tell him to stop. Jackal does what he wants.”

August 25th 2013

New Home

“I’ve been at my new home for a few months now. The new Boss is a lady. She’s nicer to me than the old Boss and her name is easy to say. Ellie. It’s a nice name. Jackal still doesn’t like the new Boss though. He calls her bad names like slut and bitch. He would always make rude comments about her body and say other strange stuff but I just ignored him. I was in the garden once and she came up to me to talk to me and ask how I was. Jackal went behind her and made a weird gesture with his arms and waist. I think I know what he meant and it wasn’t funny. When I sat on the bench and enjoyed a nice sunny day, Jackal was in the shade. I asked him why he wouldn’t sit in the sun with me and he said we are different people. I’m light and he’s dark. I’m the sun and he’s the shade. I didn’t know what that meant but we just laughed at each other.

Jackal was mean but he was funny. He didn’t like it when I had fun with other people but always enjoyed being with me. He always made me laugh and always tried to get me out of trouble. But he was the one always getting me into trouble. I like to think he doesn’t like seeing me sad but he’s usually the one making me sad. I like my new home though. Everyone is super nice to me and the food is even better than the last home. The reading group is really nice too. Some of the others don’t seem to like it that much but I love books and I love reading. I might write a book someday. I asked Jackal what he thought of that and told me it was stupid. He said nobody wants to hear the story of a pathetic lunatic stuck in an asylum. Maybe he’s right. I don’t write so good anyway. Maybe I’ll ask Ellie for help.”

Side Notes: Patient seems to view hallucination as a wrongdoer. Perhaps a gateway to excuse all of his actions. Other staff insist that they do not see him with anyone. Patient seems to be least unstable during the day whilst outside. May recommend more free time than others in order to increase chances of release.

December 24th 2013

Snowy Outside

“It's Christmas and everyone is getting presents. I got a new diary from Ellie. She was really nice to get that for me. Jackal didn’t like it though. He would sometimes hide it from me. Jackal still knew how much it meant to me and he would always give it back eventually. Lily got me something nice too. A new book from the library. Lily was a really nice friend I made a few weeks ago. She tells me that she can see Jackal too but he doesn’t like her saying that so they don’t talk to each other. Lily tells me that she has mood changes and gets sad for no reason a lot. I try to make sure she’s happy when this happens and we have fun together.

After we gave out our presents we all went to sleep. Ellie told me that we have our presents early so she can give presents to her family. I thought it was unfair that she goes home without presents from us so I drew a picture for her family. I like drawing. Ellie tells me that when I leave home I should try to get money by drawing for people. I enjoy drawing because people see my pictures and like them. I don’t really mind if I get money from it. JAckal actually liked this idea and told me I should force people to give me money. I told him that’s bad but it wasn’t a bad idea, getting money for my drawings. Jackal tells me I’m talented and Lily thinks so too.”

March 6th 2014

Lily and Jojo

“I’ve been trying to spend all time I have with Lily. I get to be outside more than her since Ellie let me look after the gardens, so I could water plants, feed the fish, cut the grass and help out Darren as much as I can. Darren is the gardener. He doesn’t talk to me that much but still smiles when I approach. It’s okay if he doesn’t like me, he’s still nice. Jackal hates him though. He always tells me to do really bad things to him because of how he doesn’t talk to me. One day, Darren ordered me to cut the grass for him while he got a drink and Jackal told me to force the lawnmower on to his head and tear his head off. I don't know why Jackal was so mean to him but I never did what he said. Jackal always yelled at me when I didn’t hurt Darren but I couldn’t, it was a bad thing. Jackal always teased me about Lily too. He always sang a rhyme about her being my girlfriend but that wasn’t true. She was just my best friend. I only laughed when he did that and when I told her she would laugh too but she always seemed to look at the floor when she laughed. I didn’t like it when Jackal would say she didn’t like me and she would leave me. He only said that when we were back in our room. He would keep laughing and saying that she was going to leave me or she is only pretending to be my friend. I tried to ignore him but it still made me cry.”

May 19th 2014

Anniversary and Nightmares

“I’ve been at my new home for a year now. I was unsure at first but I really like it now. Ellie keeps telling me about leaving but I kind of don’t want to leave. Maybe if Lily left with me I’d be okay with it. My nightmares are getting worse now. They're all about Lily. One of them was Lily drowning in the pool in the garden.  I tried to keep her away from the pool and told her about my nightmare but she wouldn't listen and told me she was gonna be safe. I hugged her and told her I would keep her safe until she left. Another nightmare was her telling me that she didn’t want to be my friend anymore and that she was leaving. They kept getting worse to one where she died in the shed next to Darren’s house. I got told off by Ellie for running to the shed that night and looking for Lily. Ellie brought Lily outside to show me that she was fine. I’d never been more scared.

I don’t know why but Jackal didn’t protect me from these nightmares. Whenever I got up and started screaming he would just sit in the corner and stare at me. I started getting angry at him. I threw chairs and books at him and he would just start laughing at me. I didn’t talk to him for a few weeks after that. I spent all my time with Lily and ignored Jackal. He started doing stuff that got me in more trouble. He started hiding people’s stuff in my room, dropped a water balloon on Ellie’s head, cut off Lily’s hair and even stole Ellie’s husband’s favourite cigars. Jackal was getting out of hand and I had to stay away from him for a while. I tried going placed where he wouldn’t find me but he always managed to find me and he’d always laugh at how much I tried to get away from him.”

Side Notes: Patient seems more confident in showing affection toward other patient. Much less volatile when around her. Patient seems to be suffering from a very advanced delusion representing some sort of split personality conflict. Consider early release for both patients with daily care provided to them. May produce positive results and better management of illnesses.

July 28th 2014

Hurt Jackal, Hurt Jackal !

“I had enough with Jackal. I didn’t know why but he spent all his time sitting away from me, curled up, rocking forward and back. He’s always talking to himself and ignores me. I’m not worried about him. I’m angry that he won’t talk to me. Lily keeps telling me to forget him but every time she says that Jackal gets really angry at her. More angry than usual. It got too far when we were in our room one night. Jackal looked at me after a nightmare. He started laughing at me and being really mean to me. He was screaming at me and swearing at me and I had enough. I ripped my arm out of my jacket and punched him in the jaw. He held his face and it was purple and bleeding. We looked at each other for a few minutes and then he got up and went away. I sat in my room thinking about what happened and then went back to sleep.

Jackal left me alone for a few days and I never felt better. I was happy with Lily and stayed living happy for a week. But something wasn’t right. I started feeling like I didn’t belong here. Like I should be somewhere else. I felt like something was missing. Then I remembered how I hit Jackal and how he just walked away. I needed to find him. I didn’t care that he was mean to me and all my friends, he was still my friend.

I soon found him in the shed next to Darren’s house. He told me to go into Darren’s house and take a look. I couldn’t do that. Darren might be busy. He doesn’t like people in his house, including me. Jackal forced me to go in, saying he’d do more bad stuff to everyone if I didn’t. So I went in and looked around. Darren was dead. He was lying on the couch with a bottle in his hand and foam coming out of his mouth. After policemen took the body away, Ellie told me that he was poisoned. I didn’t want to believe it but I asked Jackal if he did it. He didn’t answer.”

November 17th 2014

Goodbye Lily, Goodbye Jackal

“I couldn’t believe what he’d done now. Jackal went too far. I want to kill him. I want to take his heart and feed it to him. I wanna beat him to death with his spine. I want to take his stupid fucking head and shove it down his damn bloody neck hole. I promised Lily that I would always keep her safe. I can’t believe I let this happen to her. I watched Lily get taken into the infirmary with burn marks all over her. She still looked pretty to me, even if she looked like this. I felt so bad.

As the police put handcuffs on me and put me in the back of a van I saw her face from the window of her bed. We both looked at each other as I saw a tear go down her cheek. I tried to stop myself from yelling and crying and felt tears go down my face as well as I waved goodbye to her, mouthing that I was sorry. I had just enough time to see her nod and wave back with a smile on her face. I hoped that she had forgiven me but I don’t know if I forgave myself. I rode in the police van and there was only two people there. The driver and another officer with a shotgun. I looked up and saw Jackal staring at me.

I jumped up at him and tried to strangle him but the chains stopped me from moving. I was about to ask him why but he already gave me his answer. He told me that I was in danger as long as I was around other people. I needed to be alone. Everything he said made me more angry. I wanted to kill him. Until I asked why he was still here. If he wanted me alone why was he still with me? He told me that he was going to leave and never come back. I was still mad at him but I didn’t want him to go. He smiled at me and said good luck. I looked back at the driver who told me to be quiet while I was talking to him, then as soon as I looked back, he was gone.”

Side Notes: Due to the current circumstances, disregard all previous comments. Final assessment; PAtient must be kept away from the public and under close surveillance. Release prospects: None.

September 1st 2015

End

“It’s my birthday. I can’t stay here though. Ever since I got moved I could only think about being away from here. I considered waiting for Lily to come and visit me and for us to promise each other that we’d have a life that we wanted outside the institute. That clearly wasn’t going to happen. After six months of being in the new place I got a visit from Lily.

I was so excited when I found out she got out of the institute. I was filled with happiness after seeing her face. I could still see scars from the accident but she looked just as pretty as ever. She picked up the phone and cried for half an hour. I was ready to cry with her but the others here are violent and would probably beat me up if I cried. I just kept trying to calm her down and promising her that I would find her as soon as I got out. She told me that she wouldn’t be able to wait for me and couldn’t stand seeing me like this. I really wasn’t expecting her to do what I saw her do. After our call she pulled a gun out from her bag and shot herself in the head. Blood spattered across my viewing window and I saw her face rest on the glass. I sat there staring at her with the phone still in my hand. I was truly alone. Why would she do this to herself? After that happened I stayed in my room as much as I could. When I got forced outside I would sit in the shade, just like Jackal did. Whenever anyone talked to me I would swear at them and sometimes fight them, just like Jackal did. When a person came to my room I would strangle them and I even killed some of them. Just like Jackal did. I spent a lot of my time in a small room and sometimes I would scream Jackal’s name, wishing so hard for him to come back.

I can’t carry on like this. I guess life just isn’t the right thing for me. I held the blade that Viktor had smuggled in for me. It’s strange that I should be gone on the day I was born. At least there will be no confusion over how many years I’ve lived. Nobody will miss me. I just wish I could’ve seen Lily or Jackal one more time.”

Prisoner #4396 at HM Prison Manchester, 1 Southall St, Manchester

Date: 02/09/2015

Name: Joseph Lawrence Moore

Age: 22

Birth Date: 1st September 1993

Admission Date: 18th August 2013

Previously attended Ashworth Hospital. Transferred for murder of groundskeeper Darren Anderson and arson along with attempted murder of patient Lillian Johanna.

Date of death: 01/09/2015 at 15:33pm

Cause of death: Suicide, victim stabbed himself in the heart.

 

Other notes: During time at Ashworth institute, prisoner displayed symptoms of depression and irrational behaviour and blaming of all actions on hallucinations. Possibly overwhelming depression caused death, elevated by suicide of patient and apparent girlfriend Lillian Johanna. Make arrangements for both to be buried next to each other at St Joseph's Cemetery. Why not?

 

Autopsy ended 02/09/2015 at 10:56am.