'Incident on the Line'

Cherry
Poem of the week

By Silver Spun Sand

Wed, 28 Oct 2015
  • 6306 reads
21 comments
 
No one saw him fall –
the man who left behind
a battered, old brown suitcase
 
bursting at the seams 
with might-have-beens, misgivings 
and maybes...
 
brown-skinned girls – long-limbed boys
in Speedos; vows made and broken, 
promises preserved in brine
 
for tomorrow’s wind to blow away,
as easy as leaves 
on the line.
Certificate 12
Poem
Silver Spun Sand Poems
Philosophy

Comments

Submitted by Pat G on

So much to see, so much to think about, in so few words. You have conjured up true pathos. A gem.

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Indebted to you, Pat.

Tina

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

gives the feeling of no-one to remember and grieve him, memory of him blown away. Sad. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Thanks so much, Rhiannon for taking the time to read this, and sharing your more than valued thoughts.  It hasn't gone unnoticed by me that you have posted a little gem.  Sorry I haven't had time to comment yet.  Had 'one of those days' but I shall find time tomorrow, I promisesmiley

Tina

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Thank you, too, to the cherry-picker.  Haven't had a good day, and those cherries meant the world to me.

Tina

 

Submitted by Frances Macaula... on

All your fans have commented with my thoughts.  Only, I wish it was a 'LOVE' button - not a 'Like' button!  Beautiful, sad, evocative... clever.

Soundcloud:  https://soundcloud.com/search?q=FrancesMF

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Frances, thankyou - a lovely thing to saysmiley

 

Submitted by VeraClark on

Very affecting. Read and ran as baby being a pest. It's a poignant one and because it's spare, you give your reader lots of subtext to run with his story. 

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Thanks so much Vera for taking time out in your more than busy schedule...hope baby is being less of a pest todaysmiley

 

Submitted by littleditty on

there really was a missing brown suitcase in my poem Tina-san, thank goodness you found it and kept it safe and well here, unlike i suspect our fall jumpers - agree with above critters - rhythmrhyme to close is neatly done. No questionmarks,questionmark poem, subject makes one wonder, bravo! :)

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Gosh, ld, glad I found it for you, and that you found it worth finding, if you know what I meansmiley

 

Submitted by loquaciousicity on

"...for tomorrow’s wind to blow away,"... superb!

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

My thanks to you, Terry.  You always notice the things I hope my readers noticesmiley

Tina

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

I'm lost for words with this poem Tina, it just had me thinking of this man with all his dreams in a suit case, yet no one to really share them with. The structure of the poem leads the reader to wonder what happened to this man and his suitcase. I wonder! 

Jenny.

 

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Jenny...you - lost for words, absolutely never, and as ever, I so very much appreciate themsmiley

Tina

 

Submitted by celticman on

online or offline, it works for me. well done. 

 

Submitted by Deliberately Ev... on

This is brilliant. Every simple word completely captured the cool indifference that people display about 'an incident' like this. It's a fantastic piece of work.

The beat of your heart is the mellifluent rhythm to my soul.

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Ae - beautifully encapsulated by you, too.  Many thanks.

Tina

 

Submitted by love_writing on

Most poignant, you've captured so much in few words which is very admirable! You're left wondering who the man was, what life did he have and just...gone. Made me emotional! 

love_writing

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

My sincere thanks to you, lw. 

Tinasmiley

 

Submitted by MJG on

lovely boiled down beauty of words, every image stunning.