A Poem For Dulcie

Cherry

By skinner_jennifer

Mon, 05 Oct 2015
  • 5012 reads
14 comments
 

Her every promise

a family fulfilled,

grasping for that

touch of bliss,

where hopes

and dreams

are bestowed

with a tender kiss.

 

An Indian Summer

came and disappeared,

as the seasons

always changed,

we prayed while

sweet cooling breezes

rippled across

her grave,

 

rays of sun

shining warmth

with bright light

till day is done,

then as darkness

soon approaches,

we'll say our

fond goodnight,

 

while earth covers

and protects,

silent nature

unperplexed,

keep safe this soul

to fly,

protected there

up high.

 

 

Written by Jenny with loving thoughts.

 

http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=now+we+are+free+on+youtube&FORM=VIRE1#view=detail&mid=86BF42FEA521A95D815F86BF42FEA521A95D815F

 

 

 

 

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Comments

Submitted by jeand on

Hi Jenny

This sounds like a real tribute to a real person you loved. Beautifully done.

Jean

Jean Day

Submitted by luigi_pagano on

A delicate way of remembering a cherished person. A fluent and expressive poem.

Luigi x

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Many thanks for reading Jean,

my partners mum passed away, she was in her eighties so had lived a long life up until she fell, sadly she never recovered from the fall, but managed to keep alive long enough to return to her husband.

The funeral is on Wednesday and she's being buried after the service. I just had to write this poem,  my partner has decided to put it in the coffin which I found very emotional.

It's very kind of you to leave a comment and again thank you.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

That's so kind of you to say Luigi,

I was up and down all Sunday night with words that just kept coming into my head. I knew if I didn't get them down straight away, they'd be lost forever. I suppose every poet has this problem of ideas flowing and then disappearing.

I do appreciate your thoughts and thank you for sharing.

Jenny. x

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

I'm very grateful for those Cherries Editors, they've brightened up my day.

Many thanks.

Jenny. smiley

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

This is something so very special, Jenny.  It is beautiful.

Tina

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

I'm so glad you thought this was special Tina, it was one of those poems that I just felt the need to express my feelings.

Many thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by Bee on

Your poem for her is seriously beautiful, Jenny. Sad, but somehow very healing. 

 

Bee

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

That's so kind of you to say Bee, the funeral is tomorrow, so I'm hoping we don't get any rain.

Many thanks for your lovely words, they're very much appreciated.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Sorry I've taken so long to reply to your kind comment. I'm glad you thought it was beautiful. My partner read it in the church and it bought tears to my eyes, he read it so well.

Many thanks for reading.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by celticman on

loving thoughts are mushroom clouds and small explosions of goodness that change the world. Good on you. 

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

What a wonderful comment Jack. I really appreciated your words so much.

Many thanks.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by Belchman on

Hi Jenny. It was a plesure to read this poem. It is lovely and I understand the sentiment exactly.

I would like to offer some advice about  the rhythm of the poem.There are a few lines that seem to stop too suddenly or that go on for a few syllables too many. This can affect the rhythm of the reading of the poem. If we look at the poem I'll try and show what I mean.

 

Her every promise

a family fulfilled,

grasping for that

touch of bliss, (The rhythm of the first few lines is perfect.)

where hopes

and dreams

are bestowed

with a kiss. (However this lines is missing a few beats that would help rhythm that was built up at the beginning. The way to improve it would be to put in 2 more syllables into the middle of this line. Just adding a word like a tender kiss, or a loving kiss would help with the sense of the rhythm.)

 

An Indian Summer

came and disappeared,

as the seasons

always change, (I think it might help the rhythm to change this word to  changed. This majes it into a partial rhyme with the word disappeared, but also makes the rhythm more definite and lets it flow easier.)

we prayed while

sweet breezes (The last part of this paragraph is missing a few beats that will allow the ending to feel more natural. I think on this line you should add 3 syllables. This will help the flow of the ending. Maybe making this line "sweet and something breezes...")

rippled across

her grave,

 

rays of sun

shining warmth

with bright light

till day is done,

then as darkness

soon approaches,

we'll say our

fond goodnight, 

 

while earth covers

and protects,

silent nature

unperplexed,

keep safe this soul

to fly,

protected in that heaven (This line has too many sounds. The rhythm of this paragraph seems to be stalled here. Perhaps changing it to protected there up high would help to shorten the lines, and this would mean that it still flows.)

up high

 

I hope that is all ok. Like I said, I loved the poem. It was lovely.

I also saw you had a story that had been cherrypicked, so I will try and have a look at that as well if you would like.

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi Belchman,

I'm very honoured that you would take the trouble to try and make this poem sound better to the reader, many thanks for your help, I've take on board what you've said and will make the changes.

Glad you enjoyed and thank you for letting me know.

Jenny.