The Weight On My Back (poetry monthly)

Cherry

By Bee

Fri, 27 Nov 2015
  • 3402 reads
12 comments
 

http://youtu.be/XMBVgP2m8PA

I feel the burden of the pressure of love

You gave me life, but it wasn't enough

And when I was good, I made you so proud

But when I was bad, disappointment was loud

How many ways could I get it all wrong

Did you make mistakes, or was it me all along

I try not to lie, but the only way is down 

And the weight on my back throws me clean to the ground



When I finally get up, you are waiting for me

To fall on my face, and you know I will be

Sorry and sad forever as I find

The road too long, the terrain unkind

You are with me each step of my failing path

You encourage by force and scorn with a laugh

There's no way to win, and the truth that I've found

Is the weight on my back throws me clean to the ground



I tried and I cried, I even stole for you

But then I found out you didn't want me to

When you drove me from the house and I couldn't go home

I wasn't any good I'd have to make it on my own

Now I steal for me, it's what I have to do

And I haven't got time to even think about you

But it's hard on the street, I'm just hanging around

Till the weight on my back throws me clean to the ground



Now I'm down on the ground, come and kick me till I hurt

Give me grief, I won't mind, you can make me eat dirt

Do the worst that you can, there's nothing I won't bear

And I doubt very much if I even would care

No, don't feel remorse, or try to take me in

I'm not worth the risk, you don't know where I've been

Then when I am dead, leave a plaque where I'm found

Saying - the weight on my back threw me clean to the ground

 

Certificate 12
Poem
Rant

Comments

Submitted by celticman on

bit Bob Dylanish, which is a good thing. The weight on our back. Give some back. 

 

Submitted by Bee on

Thanks CM. And for the cherries!

Bee

Submitted by jeand on

Hi Bee

What a good poem.  I just listened to you reading it - and you really made it sound like a street rap. And such a truism - trying to live up to one's parents' or partner's expectations is very hard work.

Jean

Jean Day

Submitted by Bee on

Thanks Jean, that's very much appreciated. 

Bee

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

You certainly get into the character. A hard listen.
How many ways could I get it all wrong Did you make mistakes, or was it me all along A real lesson to parents to be honest, and though we may have to be negative and rebuke etc, only in the context of being positive and trying to build up, and really nurture and love.

As an aside it brought into my mind a picture of one of my children walking around with a spacehopper held by the knobs like a weight on his back. He said he was acting out Pilgrim in the children's version of Pilgrim's progress that we had been reading – who desired forgiveness, and the burden he felt of his sin and guilt fell off his back when he came to the cross in the story.

Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Bee on

Glad the character worked. Sounds like your child got into character, too. 

Thanks Rhiannon.

Bee

Submitted by tibi popovici on

Love the flow this poem was written, sounds, not just words.
Regarding the weight, just leave it away, get on your feet and keep going, even if there is no path to go, just drive.

All the best!
T.

Submitted by Bee on

Thanks Tibi. 

Bee

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi Bee,

I read this poem and was moved, it felt immediately familiar in so many ways.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by Bee on

Thanks Jenny. Glad it struck a chord. 

Bee

Submitted by Stephen Thom on

this was great, really driving, rhythmic and on the beat... the hard d and t sounds worked really well... almost spitting the words out at these points, perofrmance reflecting the subject... clean to the ground bit felt like a refrain... hadn't been active to see this as a theme for a month, will look for more. awesome work!

 

Submitted by Bee on

Glad you are into sounds, me too. 

Thanks Stephen.

Bee