Paean

By maisie

Tue, 26 Jan 2016
  • 4559 reads
11 comments
 

Paean

"An accolade of historical proportions -
salutes the hero with a gift,
a homage to his act of selfless bravery!

I acclaim"- shouted the Mayor resplendent
in gold chain, and banner - "the praise is due
to such a testament of others out there in the field -

of human endeavor - Let us stand to read the eulogy.
Let read panegyric commendations. The final levy
has been brought back, and we bow before our maker -

without a penny to show, in our naked state -
Our only acclamation our tribute to him who made us.
I hesitate the encomium of his virtues...

this man who gave his life to save my son.
Who died in a song, of praise and thankfulness,
a paean of extraordinary beauty.

Who never looked up and said,Nothing matters!
He would have said, You matter, and we matter,
and together they went on, until the bullet hit."

He sat down midst the cheers of the crowd,
watched the faces glow, at the pride of the county
for one so brave, and felt defeated.

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Comments

Submitted by Bee on

This certainly has the 'triumphant' praise about it, but also feels a little loose and rambling in places, so that the actual message got a bit lost. But lots to like here, and with a little tightening, I think this could be good. 

Bee

Submitted by maisie on

it was meant as a bit of fun really as I haven't written any poetry recently.  that was much better than I deserved.

maisie angel Guess what?  I'm still alive!

Submitted by Bee on

Oh Maisie, I've just read what I wrote - I sound like a right prig. What do I know about poetry? Nothing. Ignore me. Just that I know how particular you are about rhythm n stuff. That's all. Sorry. 

Bee

Submitted by maisie on

you're not a prig, and your comments were valid and honest.  I appreciate them.  I really do.

maisie angel Guess what?  I'm still alive!

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Hi, Maisie – why the last word? Is he feeling his own lack of accomplishment?, or just the difficulty of combining praise for the hero, with praise for the God he acknowledged as helping him and holding him safe for eternity? Rhiannon

 

Submitted by maisie on

that in our relief, there can be grief, and defeat...    a guilt almost in our joy in survival.

maisie angel Guess what?  I'm still alive!

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Oh, yes, so true, I should have thought of that. regards, Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

A truly impassioned write, maisie.  One to be more than proud of.

Tina

 

Submitted by maisie on

I think some of it was truly awful...  you can say it too :)

maisie angel Guess what?  I'm still alive!

Submitted by Jewel Serpent on

I didn't think this was awful at all! On the contrary, it made me feel that little thrill of envy that I feel every so often while reading other people's poetry:)

"You matter, and we matter". I really liked this. It really pitches that idea of the value of the individual versus the value of the cause. Tastefully done.

I did try to look for a basis in the others' criticism. Some I understood. Many seemed a bit baseless, to be entirely honest. I found it a compact, powerful poem.Then, again, each to her own. Isn't that the beauty of poetry, really, that each reader brings their own unique perspective to each piece of art? I think it's so great that you accepted the comments, both complimentary and constructive, with such grace, and that you found them useful. 

Cheers!

Submitted by maisie on

I hope this isn't only a mutual thing and that other people like my poetry as I go along.  It does need an edit to be useful out there...   It started out as a joke poem using the defination of the word for a base, and then grew into something a little more... 

thank you for being so kind :) much appreciated!

maisie angel Guess what?  I'm still alive!