The moon in the man

Cherry

By Deliberately Evolving

Sun, 14 Feb 2016
  • 2255 reads
7 comments
 
Your heart is the moon and mine the tide.
A compelling might stretching oceans wide 
Such powerful force between the two
I'm moved to and fro each day by you.
Who would cause the seas to part?
or still the love beating in my heart?
As the moon grows and swells to full,
so I'm brought forth with persuasive pull.
A dance that continues on and on
Never waning, always strong.
You can't deny the tide, nor I the moon.
Invisibly linked...
our hearts commune. 
 
 
Certificate U
Poem
Romance

Comments

Submitted by london_calling79 on

The rhyming couplets are a nice touch to add to the romance. A few more syllables per line and a shift in the couplets - you would have a neat sonnet here.

 

Submitted by Deliberately Ev... on

I didn't think of that but I might have a go at rewriting it now

thanks LC

The beat of your heart is the mellifluent rhythm to my soul.

Submitted by Deliberately Ev... on

Thanks for the cherries admin! 

The beat of your heart is the mellifluent rhythm to my soul.

Submitted by Bee on

Line 6 - could take out 'be'. Lovely romantic, rhyming poem with a dancing sway that fits in with the tide being pulled in by the moon, 

Bee

Submitted by Deliberately Ev... on

Thanks Bee. I thought the same. I'm going through this poem again trying to make it into a Sonnet as London Calling suggested. I've never written a sonnet before though.

The beat of your heart is the mellifluent rhythm to my soul.

Submitted by Nolan on

You paint the picture beautifully, the lonely pale desolate beauty of Luna. The moon fascinates me also it always has.

Keep well & Nolan.

 

Submitted by Deliberately Ev... on

I'm glad you enjoyed the poem. The moon is indeed a fascinating thing.

The beat of your heart is the mellifluent rhythm to my soul.