A tick in time (Poetry Monthly)

By Rhiannonw

Mon, 14 Mar 2016
  • 2925 reads
11 comments
 

Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick:
never slow and never quick,
steadily the old hall clock
keeps on beating, tock, tick, tock.

Seconds always slipping past,
hours can seem to go so fast,
minutes sometimes drag, so slow,
tick, tock, tick in constant flow.

Birthdays come and birthdays go,
notches on the wall – kids grow,
grandads view a life of years,
clock ticked on through smiles and tears.

Pram, and school, and on to college
learning skills and much head-knowledge,
parenthood, and sickness, health,
latter years creep in by stealth.

Hear the mechanism click,
tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock, tick,
pendulum swings back and fore,
here’s a second, then one more.

Never slow and never quick,
‘til one day a clanking-click –
moving parts wear out, that clock
can no longer tick and tock.

Numbers lit and change on screen,
silently show time has been,
flicking at the ticking pace
displayed upon the old clock face.

 

Certificate U
Poem
Families
Philosophy

Comments

Submitted by loquaciousicity on

Rhiannon,

Such a delightful poem...

and metaphor!

Terry

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thanks, Terry, so glad you enjoyed it, as I did in the writing – largely coming into better shape during a wakeful hour one night! Rhiannon

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

I like how you've picked up on the occasions in a person's life as the clock constantly tick tocks away, but then just as one day life comes to an end, so eventually the clock itself wears out.

I also like the pace of the poem to the tick tock...good rhythm.

Great job Rhiannon.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thanks, Jenny. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by tcook on

Hi Rhiannon,

 

Lots of good features in this but the metre goes to hell in a hand basket on a number of occasions - and with the clock metaphor that doesn't work well! Do do some work on it as the basic idea if very good indeed.

 

xx

Tony

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thanks, Tony, for the comments, positive and negative.

It isn't always easy to see how the rhythm can read to other people (like noticing one's own typos!)

My husband reckons what is bothering you is the extra syllables at the end of the first two lines in the 4th verse (college, knowledge), and the extra one at the beginning of the last line. Is that it, if so, I will need to give it some thought for changing that. He thinks I need to get rid of that to keep it absolutely 'tick-tock'.

I wondered if it is verse 5 that is a problem as I have pedantically read 'mech-an-is-m' as four syllables, and 'pen-du-lum' as 3, but my husband reckons that's right. But if others find that bumpy reading them as just 2 syllables each, it could be changed to something like 'Hear the mechanism's steady beat', or 'Clock's escape wheel makes a click' and 'pendulum swinging back and for'.

Really I suppose I just would like to know which lines grate on you, to have a fresh look at them, if you have the time?

Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

I have appreciated the challenge to think about this and have posted the result as a new revision. If you have time to view, I would be interested to know if it has solved the problems you saw. Rh

 

Submitted by hilary west on

Hi Rhiannon,

 

Loved this poem. It was endearing too that the old pendulum clock gets worn out and is replaced by a digital clock.

Best Wishes,

HW

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thanks, Hilary, I enjoyed that ending coming in! Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Bee on

I liked it, too.

Bee

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thanks, Bee. Need to take a fresh look maybe today on Tony's thoughts. Rhiannon