Her

Cherry

By samhennig

Thu, 07 Jul 2016
  • 1521 reads
3 comments
 

 

Silver plimsoles,
Pigeon steps,
Tracing tracks,
Flooded by the gold
Of the last of the evening sun.
She speaks of her naivety
With a certainty 
Of knowledge.

Her shadow casts long,
Blackening
The grey of the 
Surface below.
Cars, a whirring constant.
She speaks of anger,
A cool breeze
Calming her words. 

Her eyes look past 
Mine.
I have known her
For so long,
I thought I knew her.
Knowing is not 
Understanding.
Her feet falter
And she almost falls,
I sit on the curb and 
Look up.

Certificate U
Poem
Love
Journal
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by london_calling79 on

I think there's loads to love in here. One bit I thought you could change would be
'With a certainty 
Of knowledge
Which ironically
Belies her 
Relatively minimal
Years.'

In my opinion it's a little overexplained and may work better if the irony were only suggested. Probably me talking rubbish! Enjoyed your work.

 

Submitted by samhennig on

Thank you so much I completely agree. Looking at it again I think this is heavy and over done. I will look again. I really appreciate this kind of constructive feedback. 

 

:)

Sam Hennig

Submitted by london_calling79 on

Great re-write. Much more focused and evocative.