District Line ( London competition)

Gold cherry
Poem of the week

By torscot

Sat, 30 Jul 2016
  • 8032 reads
18 comments
 

doors closing…

 

dead eyed they hang from leather loops 

ears plastic wrapped to numbing music 

cloth wrapped meat destined for

abattoirs of chrome and glass

 

change here for…

 

lurch left  pitch right hold tight 

arms stretch  skin art on display 

charm bracelet tarnished

the blue swallows flight to nowhere 

silver hares leaping

charity bands  false promises of hope

red lines self harmer revealed

flash timepiece muggers clock

diamond ring hollow stone

slowing to a halt 

 

mind the gap… 

 

slaves in line herded out to pens 

and booths for loud box chatter and 

the scrolling rise and fall 

of giant screen data

 

doors closing

 
Certificate U
Poem
Travel

Comments

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Quite a vivid picture of rush hour in London.
So much seen of the hordes squashed with you, and their attachments and dress, and yet so little known of the individuals. Wasn't sure about the 'abattoirs' - they all surge out on to the platforms soon!

You haven't put the 'Competition entry' flag on this? It's seperate from 'genre' when you're posting.
Rhiannon

 

Submitted by jolono on

A great vivid chunk of everyday rush hour train journeys! Great read.

 

Submitted by torscot on

Thanks for the positive comment jolono.

Regards

 

ps   Will  Julian be posting a competion entry?

torscot

Submitted by torscot on

Thanks Rhiannonw  for  'Flag'  prompt. 

I have just ticked the flag box as suggested.

Thanks again for taking the time out to read this rush hour tale.

Regards

torscot

Submitted by celticman on

doors closing, a light note and a winner, I note. Well done, mate. 

 

Submitted by torscot on

Thanks celticman for support.

re doors closing, they shut just as     "...a baldy wee guy, ginger beard tight to his face, oddly dressed in a shirt and tie, but with hiking books and knee-length woollen socks pulled up over manky denims..."    tried to get on, banging the windows and mouthing off.  

 

torscot

Submitted by jolono on

This was a stand out poem for me Torscot. I liked the way each section has the familiar announcement of the Underground. The first few lines grab you and then the rest of it is impressive writing. Every line says something and makes you think. A really worthy winner. let me know your details and I'll send out the prize this week. Thanks for entering. 

 

Submitted by torscot on

What can I say to all the support from one and all re this Underground tale.

So pleased to win the poetry entry, a gold cherry and pick of the day.

I've added " Spitafield Life'  to my daily reading fix.  Lots of topics to read, interviews,photo's by  "Bob Mazzer" and much, much  more.

What I did like was the info at the bottom of the page saying  " Spitafield Life is nourished by a weekly vegetable box from " Leila's"  shop.  Food for creative thinking, bliss.

Regards

torscot

Submitted by catherine poarch on

Congratulations! I've not been to London since 1994 but I guess the tube hasn't changed much. This is so tight packed and evocative. It has the speed and claustrophobia of the underground. I liked it all but the second stanza best, the blue swallows flight to nowhere.

 

Submitted by torscot on

Thanks for reading and commenting Catherine.

On  a positive note,  re  "...the blue swallows flight to nowhere..."   I last saw them flying towards the Chagos Islands.

Kind regards

torscot

Submitted by catherine poarch on

I just saw your comment, still not getting notifications but have a look back sometimes. What a nice thought, I think they need that, and a few bluebirds of happiness thrown in.

 

Submitted by Jane Hyphen on

Congratulations, great poem torscot. I really dislike the tube and the picture you've painted here is too true - makes my stomach churn a bit.

 

Submitted by torscot on

Thanks Jane for the positive comment.

I have to say I'm not a happy traveller on the underground, I feel trapped and anxious to get off at the next stop asap.

Ps I'm going to pop back into your " Bastards " tales for another read.

 

torscot

Submitted by airyfairy on

This brilliant poem is our Facebook and Twitter Pick of the Day!  Please share/retweet!

Picture credit   http://tinyurl.com/jdgso9u

 

Submitted by torscot on

Hello airyfairy

Thanks for the praise  ( This brilliant poem ) I'm blushing and very pleased to receive  Pick of the Day  plus a photo credit.

And my gold cherry

Kind regards

 

torscot

Submitted by Mark Say on

... and that's speaking as someone who's spent decades commuting in London.

Very impressive torscot.

 

Submitted by torscot on

Thanks Mark for the positive feedback.  

I have say that I have found the platform staff helpful in sorting out what line I need to be on.

Earls Court for one is a busy place for a country boy.

Regards.

torscot

Submitted by torscot on

Thank you Eds for a change of cherry colour, red to gold and for awarding me a poem of the week.

Chuffed to say the least

torscot