Branwell Clinic

Gold cherry
Poem of the week
Pick of the Month

By seashore

Sat, 15 Oct 2016
  • 13364 reads
42 comments
 

Branwell Clinic

by Julia (Overthetop1)

 

I entered the yellow world

of smoke and curious faces,

clutching my poetry

and vitamin pills - shortly to be confiscated -

(we don't encourage pill-popping of any kind here)

 

I kept the poetry, but the words scrambled,

So instead I played dominoes

with sweet-faced Patrick, who may have been 55 or 75

He had dried out more times than a shoreline in Summer

his shakes tumbled the dominoes, but still he beat me.

 

Jason looked as though he belonged to far-off lands –

not Deptford - his emaciated features contorted, as he

sweated through a new drug designed to ease withdrawals,

which was working about as well as Neil's legs -

strong as wood, they splintered under a seizure

whilst Paul, the ferocious right-wing skinhead,

cradled Neil's head in his lap like a baby

and watched over me, my glowering guardian angel.

 

We had a barbeque in sub-zero weather

and ran like dizzy deer, kicking a football in the snow -

regaling  each other with tales of drug-induced catastrophes,

weak with tears of laughter and guilt...

Who will make it through this scheme of shivery sickness,

we asked each other incessantly

 

You will - you too, I insisted

 

But I was wrong, as the old-hands had predicted

Not him, not her, despite their protestations

and endurance of pain so severe, they hugged themselves

like their own mothers - continuing to whirl around

the turnstiles of euphoria and desperation.

 

Me?  I left with new poems...

And a new addiction.

 

Certificate 15
Poem
Overthetop 1
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Only someone who's been through it could share that. But so many who are thinking of experimenting don't seem to want to listen or contmeplate what it could bring, or find a stronger helping hand than experimentation in drugs in their feelings of need. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by seashore on

Thanks for your comment, Rhiannon.  I feel it's important to share some of my daughter's experiences as they may, or may not, help others.  Undoubtedly Julia had an 'addictive personality' but in her case it was a symptom of BPD (Borderline Personality disorder) which was only diagnosed about 5 years ago.  She self-medicated to ease her pain, when there was no help available from Mental Health Services.  The Clinic referred to no longer exists (not surprisingly).

Submitted by Mark Say on

I like the way you convey the pain of the addicts - and their more positive aspects - through little snapshots rather than any hair pulling or emotional statements. The poem's more powerful for doing so. Very good.

 

Submitted by seashore on

I like your observations mark_say.  Thank you.

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

The little details of the different people, the cameraderie, all laid out for us. I hope this does help people to understand a little. 

 

Submitted by seashore on

Thanks insert, I hope so too.

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

This is pretty wonderful.  Made me think of my lovely lost sister who had been locked into addiction. You make me feel like writing about her, it's been a long time. xx

Submitted by seashore on

Thank you Philip Sidney.  Here's to the memory of your lovely sister and my lovely daughter, both troubled souls.  No doubt your sister was talented too and I'm sure you must miss her the way my other daughter misses Julia.

Please write about her. X

Submitted by seashore on

Thank you Rosa Cruz.  It's a complex illness, not easily understood or treated.  Wishing you all the best. X

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

Another piece of Julia's that's struck a chord with so many already and should be shared as widely as possible.

This is our Facebook and Twitter Pick of the Day

 

Submitted by poetjude on

I enjoyed this, particularly as I once did a 24 week stint in rehab (am clean and sober now!) Who will make it? It's an unknowable question.

 

 

Submitted by seashore on

Indeed poetjude, age-old question...

Thanks insert for the pick.

Submitted by celticman on

brilliant because...it's true. 

 

Submitted by seashore on

Yes it is cm - thanks.

Submitted by Kilb50 on

Another very finely written & moving poem by Julia - delicate, wise, transformative, and most of all effortlessly human. Thanks for sharing this seashore.

 

Submitted by seashore on

Thanks for reading it, Kilb50...

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

This is our Poem of the Week - congratulations!

 

Submitted by seashore on

Thank you insert.  It means a lot, today especially.

Submitted by VeraClark on

This is so film like - the mise-en-scène manages to sequence the internal and external aspects of mental health and addiction with a colourful brevity. It's such a striking piece of work.

 

Submitted by seashore on

Thank you so much Vera for your insightful comment.

Submitted by seashore on

Thank you Bear. 

Submitted by samhennig on

An excellent poem, filled with beautiful nuances and truths.

Sam Hennig

Submitted by seashore on

Thanks Sam. Just been talking to a mental health charity re doing something positive with Julia's work...

Submitted by samhennig on

Great idea. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help

Sam Hennig

Submitted by seashore on

That's really kind of you Sam - I'll keep it in mind x

Submitted by MJG on

Love the way it draws you immediately in with world of yellow smoke and curious faces, tangible, intelligent and heartfelt xx

 

Submitted by seashore on

Thank you MJG for your lovely comment. Much appreciated.

Submitted by seashore on

Thank you for your insight, magicdarer.   I'm guessing you speak personally and professionally.  Until my daughter's diagnosis, when I gradually realised addiction was/is a symptom, not a conscious choice, I was far more critical.  It's important to me that she leaves this legacy through her writing.

(I do like the Buddhist quote by the way). 

 

 

Submitted by seashore on

Thank you for your compassion - a rare and special quality x

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

This is our Poem of the Month - Congratulations!

 

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