Mystery Story setup chapter (part 2)
By edo14
- 668 reads
“Who are you?” – Jane raised both guns and stepped back.
He made no answer.
“You can’t be here, the tower is closed off for everyone at night, no exceptions” – The man was about a foot taller than her, in clothes that resembled a uniform, but unlike any she had ever seen; jacket, trousers, gloves and boots, all in the same dark blue that seemed almost black at the dim light of the torches, he also wore a hard hat that would have made him look like a construction worker if only his face was not covered by a black mask.
He still gave no answer -This guy is clearly here to steal something, but how could he make all that noise?- she thought as a drop of sweat ran down one of her cheeks.
“One more chance buddy, tell me who you are or get a bullet between yo….”
The sound came up again, louder than all the others. She looked down instinctively as if she could see through the floor, only for half a second, but enough time for the man to reach for his back, pull a knife and lunge towards her.
But a lifetime in Siltzony –where bullies and douchebags were the general population- would inevitably teach you a lot about self-defense, especially if you were a girl, and Jane was no exception, her reflexes did not betray her and…BAWMM BAWMM, the shots went out with the attacker at inches from her and sent him down on his back with his hands over the bullet holes in his chest, he and the knife landing close to the stairs– Five bullets each- the man grunted something that she did not understood and then his voice faded, leaving only the ticking of the clock to be heard.
It took a couple of seconds for Jane to regain her composure and stop aiming the guns at the dead body; when she finally took her eyes off him, his knife caught her attention, a small weapon with nothing out of the ordinary except for one detail, the blade glowed unnaturally bright, shining like recently polished steel under the sun at midday…only the sun was not even close to come up, they were indoors and the light in the place consisted of a couple of torches, Jane frowned and her mouth twitched, somehow she also doubted that he cared much for polishing his weapon.
She remembered the sound – I’m still not alone- Jane thought as she stepped slowly over the body and down the stairs -They will soon be here- She told herself whilst taking position midway through the staircase, guns aiming down, and her blouse wet with sweat. It felt odd that they were not here yet considering the speed at which they came before, the wait made her sweat more and sent her legs to a nervous shake; Jane knew how to handle guns but she had never killed a man before and the uncertainty of the situation just made it worst, the wait made the cut in her thumb start to itch.
“Come on you, come on…” – She grabbed both guns with one hand and licked the cut…then she saw the small clotted wound in her thumb and the time seemingly stopped as a shiver went down her spine and her shaking escalated from nervous to violent -He didn’t bleed- She turned around quickly, just in time to see the bloodless ‘corpse’ literally jumping at her with his shining knife in hand.
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Comments
That's great. Less daunting
That's great. Less daunting for readers. In terms of edits, from memory it's hard to do a before and after. It seems readable. Looking forward to the next part.
Parson Thru
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Your narrative of Jane's
Your narrative of Jane's situation was gripping. I look forward to reading more.
Jenny.
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