What situation dude?

Each year at the conference, "And what is that?" The patient "It's my dog, Woofter. On his leash."
"Sorry you'll have to stay a year longer." At last, "What is that? "It's a toothbrush. It's on a piece of string." Discharged, walking away happily dragging the toothbrush on the string again, "We sure fooled them hey Woofter?!"

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One mean guy came into a busy pub carrying a crocodile under his arm. Slammed it down on the table slapped it. It opened its mouth. Quiet.

He dropped his pants put his tool in the crocodile's mouth the crocodile slowly closed it's jaws almost closed the guy slapped it hard and the mouth opened at once, and again.

"Who of you will do that!?" A frail old lady put up her hand "i will! just please don't hit me so hard!"

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This dude's girlfriend had bought a new shotgun and she was bragging with it. He wanted to see if it's loaded so he held his hand in front over the barrel, and pulled the trigger. American.

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When a man emigrates from South-Africa to America both countries' average IQ increases. A win-win situation.

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Demonstrating a new interpreting machine a function was held but no-one understood Russian. One bright spark suggested translating a sentence into Russian, and then back into English. No sooner said than done "The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak" came back "The vodka was good but the meat lousy".

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Three sea Captains bragging and arguing on a sail-ship about what nation's crew are the bravest decided to have a competition.

“Tommy!” “Yes Sir!” 'Climb the foremast! ' “God save the Queen!” and carried off on a stretcher both legs broken. Wiping a tear from his eye said his Captain, 'Any one of my men would give his life for Britain at the drop of a hat. '

“Manfred!” 'The crow's nest! ' “Jawohl Kapitan!” 'Springen Sie sogleich! ' “Sich Heil!”
Standing looking at his fallen comrade fondly and proudly, 'Deutschland über Alles.'

“Koos!” “Nkosi!“ 'Climb the main mast! The mast-head! ' “JUMP” “Bugger You! Jou Moer!”
The SA Captain wringing his hands eyes beaming “Now THAT is what I call Guts!!”

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Who's the Boss? My mother also always thought she was the boss,

Kid to the mother, “Well I think you're getting too big for your breeches too!”

Bawling “She can dish it out but she can't take it”.

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Epitaph for an English soldier "He didn't keep his head down."

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There was a newspaper headline "Was Jacko Murdered?"
I was glad it didn't read "Michael Jackson Lives!!"

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After unpacking at the hotel the sisters went for a first stroll in California, in pitch black and crisp white. Sister Sarah J. was to deliver a paper “The abominable practice of abortion”. Sister Sonja was to present “Are contraceptives Ok?”

Sister Sonja spotted it first: A hotdog stand!! Should we? No really we mustn’t. Yes, but it does look good?! Maybe? Just one? Small one? Having heard so much of “hotdogs” secretly each had relished for this moment.

No sooner said than done. Sister Sarah J. took two- one for the road. Strolling along she dreamingly admired a hunk walking past in a Speedo. Sister Sonja couldn’t resist and she peeked inside. She broke out giggling hysterically blushing redder than her freckles: What part of the dog did you get?!

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There was a damsel from Thrace
Whose corset no longer would lace
Her mother said Nelly
There's more in you belly
Than ever when in through your face!