Destiny

By Cilla Shiels

Wed, 18 Oct 2017
  • 1476 reads
6 comments
 

Stars blazed in the navy blue sky.

The sun had bid its goodbye for the day. All was quiet.

The setting was right for Tony to get things off his chest.

He’d angst and worried himself silly and dreaded finding out tonight what his destiny was to be.

No one could help him now.

Not even the chirping of the birds settling down for the night could calm his thoughts.

He was starting to sweat, even though there was a chill in the air.

There was no escape, no going back, he was left with only once choice.

He turned, faced the one person who could change his future for ever.

He took a deep breath, one...two...three... mentally counting to himself.

Then before he could change his mind yet again the words were out of his mouth.

“Jenny, I love you, will you marry me?”

Certificate 12
Story
Talecatching

Comments

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

A nice build up of tension - well done

 

Submitted by Cilla Shiels on

Thank you so much for your comment Insertponceyfre

Cilla Shiels

Submitted by gletherby on

Nice Cilla nice xxxx

Submitted by Cilla Shiels on

Ta Gayle, did it at the writing group I'm running for WDP - they are so enthusiastic  they're firing me up on all cylinders. X's

Cilla Shiels

Submitted by Jim Archibald on

The secret to short pieces like this is to write tight.  The sense of tension in Tony is dissipated in unnecessary description.  Short,  punchy sentences would build the reader's suspense, I feel.

I'm relatively new on the site, so forgive me if my critique is too strong, or not wanted.  I think you have a good piece of flash here that simply needs a review of the word count.

Cheers,

Jim

Franciman

Submitted by Cilla Shiels on

Thank you so much Jim for your feedback, this is what I want - I don't put stories out for people to glance and say nice one, I want to know how to improve my writing. I will have another look at this and try to get my words down and writing tighter.

 

Thanks again, Cilla 

Cilla Shiels