On the steps

By Pingles

Thu, 14 Jun 2018
  • 804 reads
4 comments
 

Wait - On the steps, and I'll fall -

No but hold, on to me -

 For you if I - Stay, you can stay

- Far away, I might break...

And you'll hate - Only me

- For the rest - Only you

- Of my life.

 

Certificate U
Poem
Love

Comments

Submitted by Hydra on

Compared to some of your other poems (especially Sleep which I really liked and deserved its cherries), this one is a little too obtuse for me I'm afraid. That could be a personal thing on my part though. 

Submitted by Pingles on

Yes it's a bit all over the place, I wanted it to read like a discussion between two people but it doesn't work very well, glad you liked the other one though, and thanks for taking the time to comment!

Submitted by london_calling79 on

Can one read this as a split conversation, a dual narrative? Interesting combinations if so.

 

Submitted by Pingles on

yeah that's what I was going for! It needs more work though