Splatters

By Richard L. Provencher

Thu, 21 Jun 2018
  • 2167 reads
8 comments
 

Splatters descend

into splashes of sloppy drops

on cars – lawns – homes

and smooth black-top resistance.

 

A downturn now in its intensity:

plinking drops softly fall

dew worms spiralling upwards

robins on the move

grass stirring in growth--

 

A lawnmower awaits in the shed.

 

(c) 2018 Richard L. Provencher

Certificate U
Poem
Words that Matter
Nature

Comments

Submitted by Richard L. Prov... on

 

Richard L. Provencher

Submitted by Richard L. Prov... on

 

Richard L. Provencher

Submitted by london_calling79 on

This is very well described. the loss of that poor lawnmower just caged and ready! I wanted more description of the sounds you've carved so well. And the smells that rain brings - but that's a personal preference.

 

Submitted by Richard L. Prov... on

Thank you for the insight. What do you thini of this revised poem?

 

Splatters 2

 

Splatters descend

into shades of sloppy drops

on cars – lawns – homes

and smooth black-top resistance

 

a downturn now in its intensity:

that marauding breath

like a pride of lions in its roar

the smells of life in flight

ceasing soon to be

 

plinking drops softly falling

dew worms spiralling upwards

robins on the move

grass stirring in growth--

 

eager lawnmower in the shed.

 

(c) 2018 Richard L. Provencher 

 

Richard L. Provencher

Submitted by london_calling79 on

Excellent, excellent writing.

 

Submitted by Richard L. Prov... on

Thank you so much. I enjoy any kind of comment to help me enhance my work. I am calling this poem (Splatters 2) so readers can compare and see how any finished product can be re-writen. I now write my poetry without commas since I believe they impede the cadence of a poem..   

Richard L. Provencher

Submitted by Richard L. Prov... on

 

Richard L. Provencher

Submitted by Richard L. Prov... on

 

Richard L. Provencher