The Tree and the Bird Man

By pepsoid

Thu, 30 Oct 2014

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5 comments

"Greengages, dude?"

"Yeah, man."

"What are they, like a kind of apricot?"

"Nah, man, more like a plum."

"Someone told me they were in the gooseberry family."

The third voice (who thought greengages were gooseberries) belonged to a lad in an orange and purple mask. The first lad, who thought greengages were apricots, sported a yellow and green mask. Whereas the second lad, the self-appointed sort-of leader of the trio, who confidently asserted that greengages were plums, was proudly adorned with a spectacular (relatively speaking) mask of black and gold.

"Well it matters not what they are," said Black & Gold; "just that we must equip ourselves with some, and with them, defeat the Evil Vultarion."

"You mean the dude in the Poundland bird mask?" said Yellow & Green.

"Yeah man," said Black & Gold; "but as you aren't American, can you stop saying 'dude'?"

"If you stop saying 'man'."

"Okay."

...

The greengage tree looked resplendent.

The would-be superheroes, however, looked a bit stupid, in their masks and whatnot.

"Are you sure this will work?" said Yellow & Green.

"I am sure," said Black & Gold.

"Why?" said Yellow & Green.

"The Wise Woman said," said Black & Gold.

"You mean the cashier at Morrison's?"

"Why do you doubt?"

"She is a cashier," said Yellow & Green; "at Morrison's."

"Vultarion," said Orange & Purple, pointing - rather unnecessarily, it turned out, as the 'dude' in the Poundland bird mask was standing right in front of them.

"Woah, dude!" said Yellow & Green.

"Quick! To the greengage tree!" said Black & Gold.

But too late. Vultarion was upon them.

"Attack formation!" said Black & Gold.

"Eh?" said Yellow & Green and Orange & Purple.

And then the evil Vultarion took out his Staff of Power, brandished it like it wasn't just a painted broom handle, and declared, "Feel my ire, super-zeros!"

"No way, beaky dude!" said the masked avengers, as they leapt over, around and under (don't ask) their nemesis, bounded for the greengage tree and started to arm themselves.

"Oh no you don't!" said Vultarion, as he whirled around, pointed his Staff of Power and said, "Pow! Pow! Pow!"

The masked avengers looked at each other.

"You really are just a dude in a Poundland bird mask, aren't you?" said Yellow & Green.

"And what are you?" said the 'dude' in the Poundland bird mask.

"Enough talk!" said Black & Gold. "Launch projectiles!"

The masked avengers threw greengages at Vultarion, who ran screaming like a girl.

...

"Another foe vanquished! And so we live to fight crime another day..."

"Yeah, dude."

"What did I say about saying 'dude'?"

"Sorry, man."

"!"