The Identity of the Potato and the Swan

 

“I am a potato,” said the potato.

 

“No, I am a potato,” said the swan.

 

“Don’t be so ridiculous,” said the potato.

 

“Why is it ridiculous,” said the swan, “to declare my vegetabular identity?”

 

“Because you are not a vegetable.”

 

“And you are a talking potato.”

 

“So you admit that I am that which you also, erroneously, claim to be?”

 

“I admit it, whilst suggesting that the error is yours.”

 

“How can you question my authority on this matter, based, as it is, on the fact that I am what I claim to be?”

 

“I do not deny that you are what you claim to be, but how can you, with certitude, say that I am not also?”

 

“Because you are a swan!”

 

“And upon what evidence do you base this spurious assumption?”

 

“You have swan-like feathers.”

 

“Yes, I have swan-like feathers.”

 

“And you have a swan-like neck.”

 

“Yes, I have a swan-like neck.”

 

“And you have a swan-like beak.”

 

“Yes, I have a swan-like beak.”

 

“Features which, when combined, serve to clarify the definition of your identity as that of a swan.”

 

“And yet...”

 

“And yet...?”

 

“I am a potato,” said the swan.

 

“I give up,” said the potato, as he flung himself into the pan of boiling water.

 

< fin >