comfort and joy (another go at this)

Gold cherry

By Di_Hard

Thu, 02 Jan 2020
  • 2128 reads
11 comments
 

 

 

 
 

beside a garage the magnolia grew

in grace, still-dance of slender curves, smooth

grey stem arcs, loose laced, spacing light. Buds slept -

tight wrapped pledges, knowledge seasoned

over twenty million years

to make drifts of hand-wide flowers floating pink

 

fragrant flames in Spring, then leaves unfurl, spell

air for all near, unaware , to breathe, till

owners change and the way of knowing it’s

knife swift. Nature's lush push, sap supple trust

here sheared off to a tidy ugliness.

One twig on the pavement left, a stray

 

Hope taken home on a dark day, put

in a jar of water and, forgot

when Christmas morning

a bud

opens

 

glorious

Certificate U
Poem
Inspiration Point (work that responds to our weekly writing cue)

Comments

Submitted by onemorething on

I liked it the first time around as well as this version. Is the last word different now? That first stanza, in particular, is beautiful. :)

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

Thankyou Onemorething for taking the time to read both versions! And for your thoughtful comment :0) I am not sure about the last word, maybe should change it back

 

Submitted by onemorething on

What was it previously? I can't remember now. Glorious is a lovely ending. Perhaps, as has been said, you shouldn't change another word. :)

 

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

Yes, I like both versions too!

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

Thankyou Insert :0) I always worry when things don't get cherrypicked that I have not tried hard enough. The problem is working out which bits are clunky, and which bits were ok, which is why it's wonderful when people are kind and comment :0) Thankyou for the cherry! A kind publisher suggested I join a writing group, but ABC is brilliant for this as thinking about other people's work helps think about your own, I have got so much better at working out what works (!) from trying to leave helpful comments

 

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

Didn't the first version get cherried? I thought it was!

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

no? but that's good because I would have left it as I am very lazy

Thankyou for finding the lovely photo that is exactly right :0) Only on a windowsill by the computer

 

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

We all need some hope on days like this - that's why this is our Facebook and Twitter Pick of the Day!

Please share/retweet (and please don't change that word Di, it's perfect)

Picture Credit: https://tinyurl.com/tzqmtnr

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

Oh! Thankyou!!!

I was about to change the last word :0)

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

There's a kind of magic about your second version of this poem Di, especially in those lines:-

fragrant flames in Spring, then leaves unfurl, spell

air for all near, unaware,

The buds actually remind me of wands. You express the beauty of them, which is what makes your poem special.

Beautiful poem.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

Jenny Thankyou so much for your comment which I will treasure