How To Be Authentic

Cherry

By onemorething

Sat, 23 May 2020
  • 3343 reads
14 comments
 

When I said that love was the religion of fools, trapped as misguided adolescents in the time-lapse

of ageing bodies, that we all equate it with joy when the part that deceives in its euphoria

is just lust, followed fast or slow by grief in the end and that what I pined for

was the sharpened truth of logic: a new moon crescent of it and honed to a point to scythe

through the heartbleed bramble, was also the time I was at my most hopeless.

 

And when I said that this perpetual hunt for happiness was an antiseptic sticking plaster

that rendered people ever more stupid as the clarity of reality seeped away, until we, you,

not me, they – those grinning zombies have lost their truth (abandoned it), where sadness

can only be buried in the shallowest of graves and

happiness does not have an atomic mass

gravity is not an apple

hedonism is not happiness

that what I craved was the levelling of authenticity, was also the time I was at my most despairing.

 

And when I said that we pay too much attention to feelings

and feelings

and feelings

and not enough to cooler thought, the cold flannel of facts and the concrete of evidence

and we could be laying down science as pavements of truth and we were wasting time

on perceptions and interpretations because really, who gives a shit about what you felt happened

as opposed to what actually happened until we are lost in a maze of cognitive dissonance

rather than the comfort of the solidity of objectivity, that what I yearned for was rationality,

was also the time I was at my most emotional.

 

And when I said I wanted to live somewhere on the edge of a wood, fenced in by empty

fields and in the solitude of a bear and not another fucking human as far as the eye could see  -

the solace of silence, the absence of the intrusion of another,

when relief would be the company of green and that any remaining voice I heard

was cloaked in the musical language of a bird, and that I’d be glad if the only being I ever

spoke to again was a tree that I, in truth, had only hallucinated was a person, that I longed

to be alone, was also the time I was at my most lonely.

 

Image is from pixabay.

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Comments

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

This is very deep Rachel. There's nothing wrong with direct honesty, sometimes it's good to let it out.

Jenny.

 

 

Submitted by onemorething on

Yes, once again, in two minds about posting so if it suddenly disappears you'll know why! Have not had a good couple of weeks and am usually deeply uncomfortable with sharing that kind of thing, I'm more a 'pretend everything is ok and keep going' kind of person so we'll see. It's long and a bit arduous so thank you very much for reading it. Rachel :)

 

 

Submitted by drew_gummerson on

Neither particularly long and in no way arduous. Deep felt and honest but in a general way that shouldn't make you feel you have posted something overly personal. And very excellent. Obviously. Did I say that? 
 

Drew

 

Submitted by onemorething on

Thanks very much Drew, and for the cherries. Your comment has made me feel a lot better about it, in all respects. Rachel 

 

Submitted by littleditty on

ditto your prosey too - me too. Same. Nice write 

 

Submitted by onemorething on

Cheers littleditty, always a comfort to have good dittoes. Rachel :)

 

Submitted by luigi_pagano on

When depressed or under the weather it is easy to emphasise the negative side of life. We feel that there is no way out. Yet it's no use bottling things up, better to let it out, as you have done. I am very laid back and take everything in my stride believing that there is always a silver lining but perhaps I have the benefit of old age. My very best wishes.

Luigi x

 

Submitted by onemorething on

Thanks Luigi, I have my ups and downs. I suppose I am quite used to them. It is cathartic to write about things too, that's true. Thanks for reading and your good wishes. Rachel x

 

Submitted by celticman on

gravity is not an apple. yeh, I like that aand this. 

 

Submitted by onemorething on

Thanks Jack. Happy you liked it and the apple that isn't gravity. 

 

Submitted by Mark Burrow on

I liked how this immediately carried me along. It's hard to do so hats off. Some cracking turns of phrase too - "the cold flannel of facts". I might have to use that!

Thanks for posting this.  

 

Submitted by onemorething on

Thanks Mark. That's good to hear, I was concerned about whether it would read as rambling to anyone else. And ha, yes, I admit, I was pretty pleased with cold flannel, now I will imagine applying a cold flannel of facts to any of my future emotional Austen swoons. Thanks for reading it. Rachel :)

 

Submitted by GraceB on

The cold flannel of facts--I like that.

Grace

 

Submitted by onemorething on

Ha. Good. Always worth regular application. Thanks for reading it, Grace. Rachel :)