Bad Writing Part Two

I am trying to work on the whole do more showing, less telling thing and bring more depth and texture to my writing. I am going to back over stories I have previously done and try to reword/redo them and edit .. You will have to read the first part of Bad Writing if you haven't to follow along.

BAD WRITING

CHapter 2

By Shane Scott

     William “Bawling Billy” Bester bawled like a baby in the middle of the street waiting for rescue.  The earth trembled and split, shaking and quaking.

     Only split seconds before a building collapsed on Bawling Billy, sweet rescue arrived in the nick of time.

     The director yelled “CUT!  Excellent work Billy!”

     Bawling Billie belonged to the powerful Hollywood actors guild ‘Adorable Children who Bawl in the Middle of the Street during a Catastrophe and Need Rescuing’.  Rescue came in many ways, the most common being a person wearing underwear with a bath towel tied around their necks. It could also be another terrified actor who risks life and limb to save the bawling child or even an extra on the set grabbing their two seconds of fame.

     An A list guild member, Bawling Billy worked seven days a week appearing in most movies and TV episodes.  He never lacked for work and turned a bag load over to the B-Lister Bawling Children, as they called themselves.

     Bawling Billy’s biggest problem fast approached though.  At nine he was losing his adorableness and entering into that awkward Tween period. After, he would enter the more awkward teen years where audiences wouldn’t want him rescued, preferring to see the building fall on him or a herd of wildebeests trample him.

     Already he’d been offered membership into the guild ‘Stagehands Who Throw Cats, Bats and Birds at Actors to Create a Scary Moment”. Not quite as powerful as his current guild, still it was a good offer, promising endless work and stability.  It didn’t fit for Bawling Billy though as he lived for being in front of the camera.

     None of this deterred William.  He had plans, big plans to transition into a teen star and recently had an inquiry about his plans for the future from someone important. 

****

   After MaryJane finished her live stream she curled up in bed eating naturally flavored, flavorless frozen yogurt.  She recently gave up Ben and Jerry’s after a worshipper asked if her ass was bigger.

     She picked up a remote, flipping through TV channels, hoping to see Bawling Billy.  In virtually every movie and TV show, his parts were quick and easily missed.

     Seven years earlier, in an unbelievable freak occurrence of random chance, fortuitous good luck, glaring bad luck and impossible, incomprehesible coincidence right out of a movie, MaryJane learned the identity and address of the baby she gave up for adoption nine years earlier, when she was only fifteen.

     Catching a few seconds of Bawling Billy, MayJane said, “Mommy loves you.  Mommy’s coming Billy, Mommy’s coming.”

     At the same time Hadley Hadd also scanned through his life instruction display terminal until he caught sight of Bawling Billy. 

     For months Hadd Hadd had thought about fostering a ward just as Bruce Wayne fostered Dick Grayson, feeling the time was right for a sidekick. He instructed his people to begin making overtures to Bawling Billy to see if he had any interest in becoming part of the Hadley Hadd show.

     The stage had been set, actors in their places and the curtain raised on three lives, one insane, one grounded in reality and one imaginary, though which was which had yet to be determined, as they headed for collision in terrible and catastrophic ways that would radically change the course of future events and also past history. 

     The greatest show in the Universe would end like a small sailboat blown off course by a category 5 hurricane until left smashed and broken along a jagged, rocky coastline of a deserted island that didn’t appear on any maps, leaving three desolate, stranded survivors with no hope of rescue.