Jumping on the bandwagon here. A lot of posting in light of Sarah Everard, trying to highlight that all women experience the threat of being attacked /felt up/raped/murdered. I have been sexually assaulted myself, I'm finally coming to terms with that after nearly twenty years of ignoring that it happened.
I genuinely thought he might kill me.
I ignored it and blamed myself because I grew up in a culture entrenched in a rhetoric, telling woman to cover up, not get raped, you're a slag, a slut, a tease, you're not allowed to be sexual, you will be virginal until I tell you otherwise, don't walk home alone, you're asking for it, sexy is better than pretty, she's so up for it, she's so frigid, you were flirting with him so what did you expect to happen, she's not worth any more than how good looking she is.
Overwhelmed reading that wee list? Try hearing it every day of your life in every medium that exists, knowing that it's aimed at you if you are a woman. How do you think this would make you feel, think and behave? Confused? Angry? Embarrassed? Ashamed of your body? Do you think you might try and be something else other than yourself to fit it and be "acceptable"? Would you want to change your body? Do you think you'd face critiscm for doing so because you're shallow? Do you think you'd perhaps be screamingly insecure because nothing you do or say to change your femininity / lack of femininity will not come under excruciating examination/critiscm? Do you get a tiny bit of insight into how hard it is from the off if you are born a female? I hope those words justify me saying that if you're a woman, you can not win in this fight to be yourself. And finding yourself becomes all the more difficult because we must fit into impossible categories to be accepted. It's a constant losing battle
When this is the norm, predatory behaviour becomes normalised. We've been raised in an environment screaming at us to accept it, shut up, get on with it and above all else, boys will be boys. Well not on my fucking watch. Yes, I am angry. Deal with it.
Finally, it's being called into question so we start to assess what's happened to us and attempt to free ourselves of the crippling shame, stand up and say, "Fuck You. No More."
If I was a dude and I read the above, I'd like to think my initial response wouldn't be to start banging on about a completely different matter. No one, NO ONE, has once said that abuse against men doesn't exist. It does and its horrific. Any abuse can ruin a life. Believe me, I know and I mean it when I say, come and talk to me, I will hear you and believe you, whoever you are. But, and please stay with me, it is a completely separate matter from what is being discussed now about women's abuse. It is crass and tone deaf to piss on women's platform and make it about something else. It is avoiding the subject; a subject that can not be avoided any more.
I genuinely don't know one woman who has not had something inappropriate happen to her at the hands of a man.
If you are saying to yourself , "well I've never done anything like that" , I'm not going to congratulate you for not being a predator. I'm not a predator either but I don't need or want praise for having humanity.
Well done you! You didnt rape someone!
Gold star to you! You weren't manipulative or controlling!
I guarantee, one of your mates or acquaintances has raped/abused or threatened a woman. It's not always obvious but I promise you, it is rife and you do know these perpetrators and you've no doubt felt uncomfortable by their misogyny. It's awkward as arse, I get that, but I'm asking, as a pal, please, please call them out on it. The more males that do this, the more the message will eventually start to seep through that this is not ok. It's baby steps but doing something active like calling out is way more effective than staying silent, safe in the knowledge that you're a 'good person.'
Right, I'm away to sort my life out that has pretty much been blighted by being sexually assaulted. But don't worry, I'll do it with a smile on my face with good grace and humour because you know: girls will be girls,
