Liam in My Head, Chapter 1: When It Started to Show

Liam in My Head: A Novel

Chapter 1: When It Started to Show

Okay, I’ll tell you. I was at the grocery store. I had been laid off the week before and I 
was buying only bare necessities. I just needed toilet paper, clementines, and a jar of mango 
salsa. But I kept getting trapped by people who left their carts in the middle of the aisle so they 
could stand and stare at a particular shelf, transfixed. I was stuck near the pickles for ages 
because a lady was rendered comatose by pickle plenty. 

I screamed inside my head at her: “Cheese and rice! Just pick one! I need to get to the 
paper products aisle!” She took a jar of baby dills, then put them back, and stared at the shelf 
some more. 

“Maybe she’s tired or has disabilities, love,” said Liam. “Or, say, she’s got a lot on her 
mind. Maybe her mother is in hospital, so that’s weighing on her mind whilst….” 
Well, I interrupted Liam and said I was very sorry about her mother, but if that lady 
didn’t pick a jar and move on this minute I was going to ram my cart up her ass and no jury in 
the world would convict me. 

“Yes, they would, girl,” said Liam. “Picture it now, you’ll be stood standing in front of 
the judge sayin’ she deserved it and he’ll be sayin’ to you can’t go around committing grievous 
bodily assault on people for moving too slow in the pickle aisle.” 

Liam had a point. He usually did. So I didn’t hit the woman with my cart. But her cart 
was still in the middle of the aisle and I couldn’t go around it on the right because that’s where 
she was standing with the pickles. I couldn’t go around it on the left because standing there was a posterboard display stand saying “New Product! You Asked For It! We Listened! Lite 
Strawberry Balsamic Vinegar!!!” I needed to get to the toilet paper in the next aisle. But I 
couldn’t get out of the aisle I was in. This lady wasn’t ever going to move on and I was never going to get out of this aisle. My chest started to hurt and I was gripping the cart handle so hard the seam on the hard plastic wraparound hurt my hands.

Then Liam said, “Say ‘Excuse me’ to her.” What? I said to him. “Say ‘Excuse me’ to her, 
girl,” Liam said. “That’s all you have to say, and then she’ll shift it and let you through.” 
I said, “Excuse me” but the lady didn’t hear me. She just kept looking at the pickles like 
they had an answer to a question she’d been asking since forever. I said “Excuse me” louder. I 
said it louder. I said it louder. Then the bottles of Lite Balsamic Vinegar were rolling everywhere 
and she was staring at me and everyone in the aisle was staring at me and the people all the way up at the rotisserie chicken stand were staring at me and a man wearing a white shirt pushed through the crowd and said to me “Miss, you need to calm down.” 

I was shaking. His black and gold name badge read: 
Robert F.
Manager
I Care About Customer Satisfaction

I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t sure what I had done. “Girl, say you’re sorry,” said Liam. “I’m sorry,” I said to Robert F. “Say you’re leaving now,” said Liam. “I’m leaving now,” I said to Robert F. “Take your purse out of the cart and go,” said Liam. I took my purse out of the cart and I started running.

I didn’t stop running until I was in the parking lot. I looked back and Robert F. wasn’t 
following me and no one else from the store was following me. I leaned against a Wounded 
Combat Veterans Parking Only We Support Our Troops sign and tried to inhale through my 
nose, exhale through my mouth, repeat. Oh, god. God almighty. This was the worst time. Those 
crazy people you sometimes see, the kind of people other people see and laugh a little and say they must be off their meds, crazy people who air their dirty demons in public? That’s me. I can’t even hide it anymore.

“Liam?” I said out loud. Liam said, “Let’s get you home, girl.” I unwrapped my arms 
from the sign and walked to my car and I opened the door and I got in and I drove home. 

You know the rest. I never went back to that grocery store or any grocery store and I 
stopped looking for a full-time job. I said no if anybody asked me to do anything and people 
stopped asking me and I never left my house again if I could possibly help it. 

Five years it’s been now.